Accidentally in Love
by MysticSpiritus
Summary: Not quite a drabble fic of the Reno/Tifa kind. Requests are always loved and appreciated! Now Reno is facing the many months of his wife's pregnancy. The hormones, the cravings, oh my!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Wait? Are you saying I can't own these individuals? Hm ... I guess I'll just pretend to speak with them in my subconcious.**

_Mystic: Yay! Another drabble fic has begun. I already have one in progress for the ff9 genre, but The Sacred and Profane suggested I write one featuring Reno/Tifa as the star couple. Okaliy-dokily! And yes, requests and reviews are loved! This first chapter is brought to you by The Sacred and Profane. Thank you, man!_

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A pair of satisified moans and sighs echoed throughout the bedroom in Reno's apartment. Crimson and brunette locks lay tangled together on a soft pillow, their respected owners spent and saited in the aftermath of heated lovemaking. Feminine fingers traced delicate circles on a sweaty, panting chest of defined muscles. Warm, masculine hands ghosted down the curves of his female bedmate before resting on a smooth hip.

This is what weekends were for. Spending the day in bed doing absolutely nothing except your lover. Yeah ...

Reno smiled and reached for his, well Tifa's, fuzzy fairy blanket. The martial artist had insisted on using her blanket with a fairy for her and Reno's bed. The Turk only agreed because the fairy was actually pretty hot. It's design was near mystial in nature and the fairy itself was sexy and almost coy in expression. Tifa wanted to use it and Reno just couldn't resist it. He was a sap for soft blankets with fairys on them.

Both lovers were just about to drift off in a sultry slumber (to rest up for round two, or was it three?), when a cute and miniscule sound radiated from an unknown source.

Reno let out a chuckle as Tifa blushed like a madwoman. "Teef, what was that?" Why did he ask, he knew what the sound was.

His lover gave a sheepish grin and snuggled deeper into the blanket. " ... the floor."

Oh, yeah right. "I don't think that was the floor, yo." Sure, floors and beds do let out their usual squeaks and creaks every now and then, but this was not the floor. That sound just could not be the floor.

"Yes, it was." Tifa's blush got even deeper and she pulled the blanket up over her shoulder. "Your floors are old."

The Turk raised an eyebrow. "My floors are carpeted. I think you far--"

"I did not!" Tifa defended.

"Did too."

"DID NOT!"

A mischievious grin spread on Reno's tired face. "Tifa far--" he began to tease. He was quieted by a pillow hitting his face.

"I. Did. Not. Fart!" Tifa yelled. "It was a vaginal quieve. Are you happy now?!"

Blink, blink. Reno almost did a double take at that remark. "Oh," he finally answered after an awkward silence. "Bitchin'."

"What?" Tifa asked incredulous, sitting up and balancing her elbows on her knees.

His mischievious grin was replaced by a smug one. "I didn't think I could do that to you. Sweet."

"Pervert." She playfully elbowed him in the ribs.

"That's why you love me, yo"

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**Mystic: Yeah, this fic may have to be rated M. (snickers) Oh, and I just have to point something out. (Mystic motions to the shadows. Three young men enter. RenzokukenZ, The Sacred and Profane, and t3h maniac.) See these three fellow authors and friends of mine? (grabs RenzokukenZ and The Sacred and Profane in dual headlocks) These two are already in college. (Mystic releases them and headlocks t3h maniac) This one's about to start. So, my question is this. What's up with me and college guys? Hm ... well, at the very least, they'll make good bodyguards. (all three put on sunglasses a la Men In Black) Kickass! Don't forget to review! **


	2. Trick or Treat Argh!

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Disclaimer: Nope, don't own. Nada.

_Mystic: Wow, I already got requests coming in. Cool! Okay, with the requests, I will write them in the order I receive them. So, thanks guys. And this request comes from The Sacred and Profane. Also, the term Sinister Season was invented by AmazonTurk._

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"Trick or treat! Argh!"

Tseng stepped back and just barely held back an annoyed sigh. It was now the Sinister Season; consequently, all the families with young children were now out and about in the late hours of the night, dressed in leviathan-knows-what and pillaging for sugary treats.

On his doorstep at the moment was a family of various pirates. Specifically, Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Caribbean, Wesley from The Princess Bride, and Captain Elizabeth from Mars Daybreak. What in Gaia possessed these people to dress the way they were and show up at his humble abode?

Elena came to door and stood next to her husband. The coned hat of the ancient wiccans adorned her blond hair and a large bowl filled with fun-size chocolate bars was placed precariously in her small but deadly hands. "Aw," she exclaimed. "You guys look adorable!"

"Why, thank you love," came the reply of Jack Sparrow. "You do know how much I love taking my girls out."

It was confirmed. Reno was having too much fun portraying the witty pirate. Wesley rolled his, well, her eyes from beneath her black mask. Oh, yes. Tifa thought it would be fun to dress up as her favorite pirate, Wesley. "As you wish, Mr. Sparrow."

Elena knelt down and placed a few candy bars in the bag of the smallest pirate. "Which pirate are you, Rachel?"

Reno and Tifa's little girl giggled as she tried to answer. "I'm--argh--the captain--argh--of the--argh--Ship of Aurora--argh!"

Even Tseng had to bite his lip to keep from laughing. Wesley/Tifa ruffled the little captain's carrot-topped tresses. "You really don't have to say 'argh' every time, sweetie."

Jack/Reno leaned down and playfully nudged his daughter. "What do we say to the nice people, love?"

"Thank you! Argh!"

Elena waved goodbye to the family of pirates now leaving her and Tseng's door. Her husband and boss only gave a nod of his head before telling his swashbuckling Turk to be on time the following morning. As Reno and Tifa's daughter skipped cutely ahead to the next house amid the giggles and laughs of other children, the two parental pirates strode casually behind, their hands linking together.

"Tell me again why you had to dress up as a guy pirate?" Reno asked his wife, as his Jack Sparrow accent dropped for the moment.

Tifa scowled briefly before answering. "Well, I wanted to go as Elizabeth Swan, but you refused to go as Will Turner. Besides, we can't very well have two pirates named Elizabeth, can we?"

Reno gave a childish snort as the next house came into view. "You just think Wesley is sexy." He waggled his eyebrows suggestively toward his pirate-donned wife. "Hey, I just got an idea, yo. C'mere Captain Elizabeth." Rachel turned around and skipped back to her father.

"What daddy?" she asked with bright-eyed innocence.

"I know who lives in this next house and I know the perfect way to annoy him," Reno spoke softly. His accent came back along an impish gleam in his eye. "What do you say ladies?"

Tifa crossed her arms and cocked her hip. "Jack ..." she warned. "This dread pirate is no lady."

"You have my apologies, Wesley."

Rachel pulled at her father's shirt sleeve. "Daddy, can we go now? I need some more sugar."

With an affirmative nod, Wesley, Jack Sparrow, and Captain Elizabeth menacingly strode up to the next house. They stood as stoicly as possible for they were to be feared. Pirates ruled the sea and pillaged what they wished. On occasion would they pull the Robin Hood act or rescue the rare damsel in distress. But the life of a swashbuckler was a life abroad.

The door swung open after only one press of the doorbell. All clear tune rang through the crisp night air. This was their song and their life's code.

"Yo ho, yo ho. A pirate's life for me ..."

Rude's eye twitched.

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**Mystic: Hm ... Pirate or Ninja? Pirate or Ninja? I think we all know about my pirate fetish and I'm very sure one of my friends is probably glaring at me. Anyway, I hope y'all enjoyed this chapter and stay tuned for the next installment! ARGH!**


	3. Horny Grandmas

**Disclaimer: Can I own them now? Damn, guess not.**

_Mystic: This idea comes from t3h maniac. Poor Reno, must he never catch a break? Yeah, let's not answer that._

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Tseng leaned forward on the rectangular, bracing his elbows on the rich mahogany and clasping his hands together in front of his nose. The stoic and very no-nonsense Turk leader glanced around the room to his fellow veterans. Three different assassins with three different styles of fighting and killing. Three different weapons of choice and three different personalities. Elena was somewhat bubbly, Rude only talked when necessary, and Reno was the lazy badass.

The Wutaiin man blinked once at his thoughts. Did he just think that Reno was badass? Ugh, that was Elena's term for him. Tseng would say that he was spending too much time with beautiful (and smart) blond, but he fully enjoyed her presence around him. She was a drop of estrogen in his testerone fused world.

Ugh, let's get this meeting over with so he and Elena can get home and have another meeting in his bedroom.

Clearing his throat, Tseng straightened his back and began to speak. "President Rufus has recently announed that--"

He was interrupted by the sound the Bloodhound Gang's 'Bad Touch'. Reno gave a sheepish grin and reached for his cellphone. "Sorry, bossman."

"Put it on speaker, Reno, " Tseng ordered in an intimidating tone.

"What?!" Reno protested, his eyes wide with horror. "I can't do that, yo!"

Tseng's facial expression was now shooting metaphorical daggers at the carrot-topped bodyguard and those daggers were leaving perfectly straight cuts and gashes all over the black suit and bare skin. "You know full well that phones are to be turned off during meetings." The previous rule that phones had to be kept on vibrate never really worked with Reno around. That setting just distracted him even more.

"It's no big deal, Reno." Elena was quick to give her co-worker and friend some sympathy. "I'm sure it's nothing important. Who's calling you?"

Shit, shit, shit, Reno mentally cursed. "It's uh ... my grandmother." Fuck it, he was going to be dead man when he got home.

One small smirk graced Rude's silent face. This was going to be interesting.

"Then put your darling grandmother on speaker," Tseng ordered once more.

Dammit! Reno did as he was told and pressed the speaker-phone button. He placed his cellphone on the table and prepared to talk his way out of trouble. "Hi, _grandma_." He purposefully emphasized that last word, hoping that Tifa would take the hint and quickly hang up.

No dice.

_Grandma?_ Tifa's young and confused voice echoed throughout the meeting room. _You nasty boy_, she teased. _Maybe I should take you outback and whip you with a hickory._

Elena covered her mouth with her hands to keep from bursting out in gut-blasting laughter.

"Tifa," Reno sighed. "Now is not a good ti--"

_I could knit you a sexy thong, too. It can match the one I have._

Rude's sunglasses slid off his nose thanks to the beads of sweat forming on his tanned skin. He couldn't help to feel a little jealous when Reno got with the busty martial artist.

_And I have a nice pair of cookies for you to drool at, suga'._

Wrong thing for her to say. Rude jumped up and covered his bleeding nose with his handkerchief. Tifa's perverted talk was a bit too much for the bald man to handle. Tseng sighed and released a low growl from the back of his throat. "Reno ..." he warned.

Tifa gasped. _Oh my gosh. Reno, are you in a meeting?!_

Reno just wanted to die. Right there. Clunk. Problems gone. "Yes, babe."

_Oh, I'm so sorry!_

Reno's lover quickly hung up and the embarrased Turk could perfectly envision his barmaid hiding her face with her hands and opening a bottle of scotch to forget this afternoons trouble. He glanced at his fellow Turks with a sheepish and yet still mischievious grin. Elena was trying not to laugh, Tseng just glared a death-stare, and Rude was busy trying prevent major bloodloss.

"Heh, she loves me, yo."

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**Mystic: I gave Rude a nosebleed! I'm so sorry! Yeah, so t3h maniac's request was Reno receiving a "personal" phone call at work, possibly at a meeting. I hope I didn't disappoint. Review and leave a request if you please. **


	4. Popcorn at the Movies

**Disclaimer: Oh, good grief Charlie Brown. I don't own anything.**

_Mystic: Okay, I'm waiting on dantesdarkqueen to pm me back about her interesting idea for this fic. Until she does, I'm going to skip ahead to a certain somebody's idea. You guys should know who he is by now. (Mystic points to the kickass bodyguard carrying five swords and munching on a snickerdoodle cookie) Yeah, it's RenzokukenZ, which means I have this strange urge to start out with a song. Old habits just refuse to die. And yes college guy, I just had to use this particular part of the song. _

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Watching out, here he comes  
He doesn't look a thing like Jesus  
But he talks like a gentleman, like you imagined  
When you were young ...

"When You Were Young"  
The Killers

Tifa couldn't believe it. She just could not believe it. A part of her was seriously considering that this was one of the seven signs leading up to enevitable end of Gaia. Seriously, didn't the legendary Apocalypse start out with something this bizarre? It's not everyday that a new boyfriend willingly takes his girlfriend to the movies to see a chi -- Oh, good gaia, now Tifa had trouble saying the type of genre they were seeing. Sure, it was a matinee this lovely Saturday morning and the theatre was having a marathon of this genre, but what possessed Reno to take his new girlfriend to it? He was as badass as they come and yet, he was willing to sit through a few hours of sappy, romantic, chi -- chi --

Oh, just say it! Chick flicks!

The horror!

"Are you sure you don't want to see something else?" she eventually asked. "I don't know how you feel about chick flicks and all."

Reno flashed a grin toward his new babe as he tore his gaze away from the concession stand. "Teef, none of these movies can be classified as chick flicks." Now, did he want Dr. Schlepper or 6-up? Or an icee? Hm ...

Her deadly hands found their rightful place on her hips. "We're watching four movies today and all four have a romance in their plot."

"Romance don't mean nothing, yo." Tifa's eyes widened at that, prompting Reno to further explain. "Also in the plotlines are pirates, swordfighting action, religious and political intrigue, and an execution." He grinned at that last word. Beheadings were cool. "Hardly a chick-flick."

"One of them is a comedy," the martial artist pointed out.

"Yeah," Reno agreed with a laugh. "And that comedy is a parody of one other other movies we're watching. And they all take place in the olden days, yo!"

"You mean, medieval."

"Whatever. You want popcorn?"

Tifa chuckled and shook her head. "Wouldn't it be easier to just share with you?" A coy smile radiated toward the redhead. The martial arts master still wasn't quite sure what possessed her to finally say 'yes' when Reno kept asking her out. He always stopped by her bar after hours and was quick to give extra tips, but it must've been something else. No, he wasn't quite the romantic gentleman of yore, but neither was she the damsel in distress. Reno was definitely suave though. Yes, that had to be it. He had sex appeal, er suave appeal.

Okay, just admit it. Reno. Is. Hot.

Besides, a big tub of popcorn was the perfect opportunity for seduction. Handholding. She meant handholding. Damn, had it been that long?

Let's not answer that.

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Movies sucked when you were on a date. They were downright dreadful when your new boyfriend was a sexy badass with a killer suit. Of course, that particular suit had to have a white dress shirt that Reno kept half-way unbuttoned, giving the martial artist a wonderful view of his toned chest. The crimson-topped Turk was slim, but his body was still sculpted. And one deadly, fit arm was resting comfortably on the adjoining armrest, meer millimeters away from her own natural weapons. Her arm hairs was grazing the fibers in his jacket, they were so close. That's not entirely why this whole scenario sucked though. Oh, no. The giant tub of popcorn resting between his legs is what clinched it.

Dark theatre, sitting very close to a sexy man with his shirt undone, and two things she wanted a taste of right next to each other.

Wait, did she just think she wanted a taste of his--

Tifa dropped her head into her palms. _Okay, miss heroine of Gaia. Focus on the movie. We just finished watching Lady Jane. Two teenagers rule a kingdom for nine days before being beheaded for high treason. Religious politics at it's best. Reno chuckled at Guilford's early appearance in the movie. The young duke was drunk and in the middle of a gamble. Reno still gambles from time to time, but at least he wins. He has a sexy yell when he wins too. Reno ... Sexy ..._

_Focus, you idiot!_

_What are we watching now again? Oh, yeah. The Princess Bride. My favorite of all time. Reno would look so good in the black getup Wesley wears. With the mask and everything. Oh, gosh. Now you're staring at him. Back to the movie! Oh, no! Wesley's getting tortured! No, Wesley! Stupid Prince Humperdink. He reminds me of Rufus on a very bad day._

Reno took a sip of his icee, purposefully flicking his tongue out to lick his lips. For the past movie and half, he noticed that Tifa was not acting like her usual calm self. The fighter was figeting quite a bit and her pretty eyes kept shifting from the screen to him in general. Those eyes of her would slowly drift away from the movie and simply gaze at him. He couldn't very well ignore it either. The Turk could feel her eyes on him. They would slowly move from his ruby locks, down to his face, and pause briefly on his smirking mouth. Then they'd continue on downward, lingering over his bare chest, then smack! Right there to his crotch where the popcorn was.

Interesting how Tifa's hungry eyes lingered at that place the longest. Yet, he wasn't quite sure if she was hungry for the popcorn or ... something else. That explained his tongue flick. Ah, now Tifa's wandering eyes was accompanied by a slight flush.

Tifa decided to be bold and reach for the buttery, salty, goodness. Reno watched with a surprised expression as his date's slim arm reached across and dove for his crotch. Her hand was right there in his lap and the motion of her fingers sifting through the snack was not helping him retain his cool. Each miniscule movement was a slight torture to his boiling blood. Oh, shit.

Okay, think cold, freezing thoughts. Ice cubes ... Tifa sucking on ice cubes. Fuck! Oh, bad word. Not helping. Uh ... nuns! There we go, Tifa with a ruler. No! An image of a veiled brunette smacking him repeatedly with a twelve-inch piece of wood did nothing to relax the Turk. Let's see, movie? Distraction? Anything?

Reno turned his gaze to the screen. Oh, great. Wesley and Buttercup were making out on horseback.

This just wasn't his night.

The beauty beside him again reached down for the popcorn, causing Reno to curse under his breath. Keep it cool, man. Keep it cool. Damn, damn, damn, damn! Reno shook his head once before grabbing Tifa's wrist and cupping her head to his in a much needed liplock.

She gasped at first, but quickly relaxed into his kiss, sighing at the feel of his mouth upon hers. Her heart sped as his breath warmed her lips, their tongues carefully darting out to meet and dance. His cologne infused with her bodyspray, causing their sense to go dim. The film went silent, the theatre was empty. The entire world consisted of only them.

Tifa tasted sweet, a mixture of innocence and sultry feminity. Her mouth was soft, her breath shallow. Her fingers clutched at his collar before ghosting down to entangle with her kissing partners hand. Reno's hand welcomed hers as their kiss finally broke apart.

Two smiles, one shy and one sly, shone in the darkened theatre. Their hands stayed together, causing Tifa's shy grin to turn almost seductive.

Popcorn, great for handholding. The kiss was just extra butter.

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**Mystic: It's official. My romantic sapness has increased tenfold. In case anyone's interested, the other two movies were Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves and Robin Hood: Men in Tights. I hope you guys liked (I'm looking at you Renzo!) and I'll see you in a week! I'm off to the state park for some relaxation. Bye for now and see ya when I get back! Love y'all lots!**


	5. Truth or Dare

**Disclaimer: (pulls Tifa and Reno into dual headlocks) Can I keep them, pretty please? No? Aw, shizzit.**

_Mystic: Yes, I'm alive. Not quite sure if I'm still sane, though. Wait, I was never sane. Anyway, please be patient dantesdarkqueen. For whatever reason, your lemon idea is giving me trouble. I even had to ask Sacred and Profane for help. It's getting there though. Until it's complete, I'll just post this request from the man who requested I start a Reno/Tifa drabble series in the first place. Here ya go, Sacred!_

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Picture if you will, four young adults relaxing in the fresh outdoors. One Turk, one former Turk, a ninja, and a martial artist. Add to that ragtag team a case of Samuel Adams beer and a picnic table. Trees towered around them and the silvery stars twinkled overhead. The moon was large and hung brightly in the night sky, a mystical invite to whatever oddball adventures these lovers could conjure up.

"You're up, Mr. Vampire," Reno spoke, tipping back a sip of beer. "Truth or dare?"

Vincent responded immediately. "Truth."

The goofy redhead grinned a sly smile. "I heard through the grapevine that you got speedbumps, yo. Did you get a little somethin', somethin' for Yuffie?"

The ex-Turk scowled. Yuffie must have been talking to Tifa again. " ... Yes."

Tifa's eyes went eyed and she came this close to spilling her beer. "Are you serious? Reno, he got pierced, why can't you?!"

Crimson locks shook back and forth repeatedly. "Hell no, babe! Nothing sharp is getting near Reno funland." His hands dropped into his lap to further protect his experienced appendage. Nope, not going to happen.

His brunette lover furled her eyebrows. "That's not fair! I got a piercing on my nip--"

Vincent's coughing interrupted Tifa's confession of highly confident information. "Ms. Lockheart, truth or dare." A bottle of Sam Ams tilted upward, filling his mouth with pleasant alcohol. Yuffie giggled and snuggled close to her goth boyfriend. Reno and Tifa didn't know what they were missing with genital piercings.

But let's digress, shall we?

"Dare," Tifa said with a sly grin.

The corners of the caped man's mouth turned up in mischievious thought. "Bless us with your singing voice, Ms. Lockheart."

"What do you want me to sing?" Tifa was never ashamed to sing. Piano and voice lessons as a child made sure of that.

"Gay bar."

Reno snorted, eager to see his girlfriend belt out that famous tune. Tifa rolled her eyes and took a heavy swig of beer. She climbed on the top of the picnic table and took a sexy pose.

_You!_ Tifa pointed directly at Yuffie. _I wanna take you the gay bar! I wanna take you to the gay bar! I wanna take you to the gay bar, gay bar, gay bar!_

"Holy shit, this is hot," Reno mouthed. His lover swayed her hips with feminine skill and directed her humorous song toward Vincent's girlfriend. Yuffie just fueled the comedic fire by winking and offering Tifa copious amounts of gil. Even Vincent raised an eyebrow. Seeing the two women interact in the way they were was giving the former Turk thoughts he really shouldn't be having.

The barmaid finished her masterpiece and gave a proud bow. She bounded off the table and plunked herself into Reno's lap. "Sexy?" she asked. At her boyfriend's nod, she giggled. "Awesome. Yuffie, truth or dare?"

"Duh, dare." Yuffie purposefully wiggled against her caped lover, tempting a flush to appear on his pale skin.

An evil chuckle left the martial artist's mouth. "Make Vincent really happy and go skinny dipping."

Strong beer spewed over the table, barely missing Reno. "That water's cold!" the ninja protested. Wait, cold water plus naked female? That's the perfect opportunity for Vincent to wrap her in his warm cape and come to her rescue. "I'll do it! Vinnie, hold your cape up so I can strip down."

Reno snorted again. "I didn't think the great ninja Yuffie was shy."

"Oh, fuck off asswipe." Yuffie ducked behind her boyfriend's red cape and began to shuck off her clothes. "I'm hiding so you won't have a fucking nosebleed, turkey."

"Why would he get a nosebleed peeping at you?" Tifa inquired, all while taking another swig. "He's got me you know." She briefly pushed her large breasts together, causing Reno to grip the end of the picnic table to prevent himself from dragging Tifa into their tent. He silently thanked the heavens for giving him a stacked girlfriend.

"Cowabunga!" Yuffie cannonballed into the nearby lake. Cold water hit her bare behind along with some sharp rocks. "Ow! Shit, my ass! I thought the water was deeper here! Ow, my ass! My ass!"

Guffaws and side-splitting laughter echoed around the lake's edge. Vincent shook his head and strode over to his nude and sopping wet lover, offering her his hand. Yuffie willingly accepted his help and superglued her naked, shivering body to his warm and toasty one. Aw, sweet manly heat. Oh, yeah. This can definately work in her favor. Masculine body heat was the perfect cure, especially when the man in question owned a ruby-red cape.

"Thanks, Vin-vin," Yuffie spoke through chittering teeth. She wrapped the thick cloak tighter around her shoulders and sat in the gunman's lap, leaning tightly against his muscled chest. Ah, now his arms were wrapped around her. And she was still nekkid too. Win! Wiping up the drool forming at her mouth, the icicle ninja smiled proudly. "My turn! Turkey boy, truth or dare."

"Dare, yo." This autta be a piece of cake.

Yuffie looked up into her boyfriend's sexy face, then back at the red-head Turk, who was now smoking a cigarette. A very evil looking grin appeared out of the depths of a hyperactive mind. "I dare you and Vincent to stand up on this picnic table and sing the Men in Tights song."

"What?! The hell?!"

"Yuffie, I am not singing that."

Yuffie scoffed and jumped out of her boyfriend's lap, not seeming to care that his cape flew open and left her exposed to the night air. "Yes, you are! Or you're sleeping alone. For a week!" She huffed and crossed her arms.

" ... Let's go, Reno." Vincent stood and grabbed Reno by the arm, causing the red head to drop his cancer stick.

Tifa looked on, completely flabbergasted. "That is not fair! That threat never works on Reno!"

Her lover leaned down in a suave manner and spoke in a Jack Sparrow-esqe accent. "That's because you can't resist me, love. Saavy?"

"Because he does that!" Tifa protested.

"Shut up!" Yuffie yelled, pulling Vincent's cape closed. "I want to see them sing and dance."

Both trained killers stood on the top of the picnic table; Reno posing like in the movie and Vincent rather reluctantly so.

_We're men! We're men in tights. We roam around the forest looking for fights. We're men. We're men in tiiiiights ..._

Tifa and Yuffie started to chuckle. In a really weird, disturbing way, this was kind of a turn on.

_Watch what you say or else we'll put out your lights! La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la ..._

The women's giggling turned into full-blown, gut busting laughter. Reno somehow managed to coax Vincent into doing a chorus line style dance, before the sexy redhead performed a backflip off the table.

_We're men. We're men in tights, TIGHT tights--_

Okay, their pelvic thrusts were just too intense. "Stop it!" Tifa held her sides to keep from doubling over. "My sides are going to tear apart!"

Yuffie agreed. "That's enough, that's enough!"

"Heheh ..." Reno laughed victoriously. "Truth or dare, babe?" His question was directed at Tifa who was still giggling like an idiot.

Vincent sat back down, thankful to be stopped from that song which was a dire threat to his masculinity. Luckily, Yuffie jumped back into his lap, still naked and wrapped up in his cape. Yes, lithe woman figeting next to loins. Much better.

"Truth," Tifa answered. They certainly had enough of the 'dares' for awhile.

"Okay." Reno then dropped to the ground and balanced himself on one knee. "Would you marry me?"

The martial artist's eyes bugged out. Whoa, how to sober up in one simple lesson. "What ...?" A black velvet box revealed itself out of Reno's jacket. "Oh, my gosh. You're serious?"

Yuffie squealed and started hopping up and down. "Oh, my gawd! Oh, my gawd! Ahhhhh!" That little hop turned into a jumping and squealing frenzy all around the wooden table.

"What do you say, babe? Marry me?"

Tifa smiled widely and proceeded to glomp her lover, sending them both toppling to the ground. "Yes! Yes, I'll marry you!"

Yuffie squealed some more. "My friends are getting married! My friends are getting married!" Hop, hop.

Vincent now suffered a very tough decision. He could be polite and congratulate his friends on their new engagement. However, his red eyes were drawn to his naked ninja lover who was still jumping up and down. Congratulate friends or drag nude girlfriend into tent?

Much more difficult than truth or dare.

* * *

**Mystic: Comedy and romance! Hell yeah! Now raise of hands. Who wants to see me attempt Reno/Tifa smut? Yes, I have a lemon in the works. Who wants to see it? Yay! Then review!**


	6. Hello Dolly

**Disclaimer: Don't own the people and I don't own the concept.**

_Mystic: (snickers) This idea comes from dantesdarkqueen. A kickass friend of mine that's never afraid to request naughty ideas. I bring you the gift of smut. But not just any smut mind you. This involves Tifa ... and something else. Read to find out if you dare. The actual lemon will be posted later._

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A furious and horribly frustrated martial artist threw her purse down and flopped upon her couch. How could he? How could that sexy redhead just do that to her? Kiss her in such a way to make her body yearn for more than kisses, then be so cruel to just tell her goodnight? This date was not supposed to end with her bed empty.

Tifa was so ready too! The famed fighter was eager and willing to let that Turk make cream-worthy love to her. Ah, to feel his body close around hers and cover it with his own masculine frame; it would be pure orgasmic. The rumors about him were quite clear. Reno was the greatest lover that ever graced Gaia. Considerate and giving; highly skilled and even a bit flexible. Just his mouth alone was enough to send her body aflame with strong lust.

Reno seductively kissed her, letting his hands roam over her curves. His tongue drew circles in her warm mouth, dueling with hers and pressed their bodies wonderfully close together. That man felt so good. Damn, just thinking about him was making her legs turn to jello and her g-string wet with fluid.

Tifa let her angry gaze drift to a glass cabinet in her living room. A semi-enibriated chuckle left her lips as she spotted the birthday present Yuffie gave her last year. That hyperactive, yet still good friend, lovingly gave Tifa a Shinra sponsored action figure. The brunette fighter was now a proud owner of a mint condition and anatomically correct, Reno doll.

G. I. Joe, eat your heart out.

What possessed her to do what she did next, she wasn't quite sure. Maybe it was the three glasses of wine she drank at dinner or maybe it was because she hadn't experienced any type of sex in well over a year. Regardless of why, the horny and deprived woman found herself not only holding that action figure but lifting up her skirt as well. Tifa was slightly drunk, very horny, and sadly, a Reno action figure would have to suffice.

She flung her panties to the ground and relaxed more deeply on her couch, lean legs spreading wide. Real Reno's kiss left her plenty moist and ready for plastic Reno to dive headfirst inside. Teasing and slowly, the street fighter penetrated the doll inside her lush folds. Sweet Shiva, that felt too good. True, not quite as satisfying as the real thing, but plenty amazing enough for a woman who hasn't felt a man's special touch in far, far too long.

A sultry rhythm soon commenced and Tifa's moans were soon heard throughout the apartment. It's not like this was a first for the Avalanche member. Masturbation was an act she enjoyed on a regular basis. Self-love was typically more fun to perform in the shower with warm water and slippery soap, but the couch was more comfortable at the moment. Plastic Reno was serving it's purpose quite well and a tingling sensation of a woman aroused was felt throughout her body. Her free hand roamed across her proud and natural D-cup breasts, adding fuel to the sexual fire heating her core.

"Reno ..." she began to moan aloud. "Oh, Reno ..."

"Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk!" Yuffie giggled from outside in the bushes. Utilizing her kickass ninja skills, the shinobi of Wutai peeked into the window, two telltale objects in her stealthy hands. One was a glowing orb, manipulate materia. The other was a digital camera.

"This is sooooo going on the internet."

* * *

**Mystic: Naughty Yuffie, naughty! Vincent, go punish her please.**

**Vincent: With pleasure.**

**Mystic: Remember readers, feedback is appreciated!**


	7. Starcrossed

**Disclaimer: Oh, my gosh. I don't freakin' own these characters! (turns to unpaid intern) You! Get me some ice cream, but no sprinkles. For every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you.**

_Mystic: Oh, good gravy. I was raised in Massachusetts. You don't call them sprinkles, you call them jimmies. There, now that's settled. Anyway, readers you are in for a treat. This chapter is brought to you today by The Sacred and Profane! Meaning, he wrote part of this chapter. He wrote the first part and I wrote the second part cuz reading his inspired me. Wait a minute. Do you guys hear that? I hear music playing ..._

* * *

Yeah, I don't know if I can face tonight  
I'm in tears and the cryin' that I do is for you  
I want your love  
Let's break the walls between us ...

"Angel"  
Aerosmith

Cloud and the rest of Avalanche glared at Reno when he walked into Seventh Heaven. The Turk gave them a cocky grin and slid up to the counter, looking around for his lover. He was met by The Flat Ninja Yuffie, as Reno liked to call the materia hunting ninja girl.

"Where's Tifa?" Reno asked.

"She's out at the moment, turkey," Yuffie said.

"Okay, and why are you guys giving me the evil eye?"

"How do you really feel about Tifa?" Cloud asked, his voice cold.

"I love her, Strife, something you know nothing about," Reno said calmly.

"You could be stringing her along, just playing with her emotions and then leaving her alone," Cloud said.

"That's your expertise pal, not mine."

"Why do you love Tifa?" Nanaki asked, his tail swishing around.

"You guys wouldn't understand," Reno said, whipping out a cigarette and lighting it.

"And why is that?" Vincent asked.

"You haven't done what I've done." Reno took a drag of his cigarette before continuing. "See, you guys hate me because of my past, you are incapable of forgiving me for the sins I've committed. Tifa has and she's given me a reason to keep on living. Strife, you can't get over Aerith besides the fact that she's forgiven you. Zack's forgiven you as well and they're happy together. And how you treated Tifa was horrible but she's forgiven you. I love everything about her and if you guys can't see that then maybe you need your damn eyes checked." As Reno finished his tirade, he rubbed his temples and sighed heavily. "Whatever, I'm out of here. "Tell Tifa to call me, alright?"

Later that evening, as the stars twinkled in the heavens, Reno was standing on the roof of his apartment and looking out into the night. Footsteps sounded close behind him and the Turk glanced around toward the noise. Tifa's sable hair was blown slightly to the left thanks to the night breeze and she was so pale that she looked as if she had been carved out of the moon. Reno was convinced that God had made Tifa His beautiful creation and he smiled at her.

"Hey, babe, how's it going?" Reno asked.

"Did you really mean everything you said to the others today?" She asked, her voice soft. Reno reached out a hand and pushed aside a lock of her hair that had fallen in front of her vermillion eyes.

"Yes, Tifa and as sappy as it sounds, you're everything to me," Reno said, his hands wrapping around her waist and pulling her close to him.

"Who would have thought that we would have ended up like this?" Tifa wondered. Reno chuckled at that and nodded.

"You're my angel." Tifa shook her head at this and kissed him deep on the lips. Once they had broken apart, she gave him a small smile.

"I'm just someone who loves you, Reno. That's all."

"Whatever you say Teef ..." Reno said, smiling as she hugged into him even tighter.

* * *

Tifa stifled a coy giggle as she unlocked the door to Seventh Heaven the following morning. She brilliantly decided to spend the night at Reno's the previous evening and the young couple took that time to basically just enjoy each other. They didn't just have sex either. What the two fighters shared last night was much too beautiful to be an average lay. Reno, dashing and sweet Reno. The carrot-topped Turk made passionate, sultry love to the brunette martial artist.

That single act (performed many times over) joined them both physically and spiritually. It seemed that not just their bodies, but their hearts were connected through the physical act of lovemaking. An innocent, but knowing flush spread across the barmaid's smiling face. One of the lovers more special and well, cute moments was on his couch.

Tifa smiled at that as she began to take down the chairs, placing them on the clean floor. The two lazily lounged around on his couch for the majority of the evening, wrapped only in a warm blanket. Clothes were somewhere else, flung off in an earlier moment of passion. Fingers and lean legs laced together while tender words and coy laughs were shared between the owners. The avalanche member could still smell his cologne and feel his bare chest pressed up against her back. Her Reno would always be an acute badass, but he had his romantic moments too. Last night was one of them. Loving each other, enjoying each other, just being with each other.

Why did it have to be a workday? She would have much preferred to lounge around and cuddle with the fiery Turk all morning.

Yes, Reno liked to snuggle. Shh, don't tell anyone.

"Good day, Ms. Lockheart," came a deep, almost husky sounding voice.

Tifa turned to the customer as she placed the last barstool on the floor. Red fabric suddenly filled her vision. "Vincent!" she smiled. "What brings you here?"

"I spoke to Reno last night." His voice held no hint of anger or accusation, only a statement.

Nevertheless, Tifa's broad smile faded. "So I heard."

"Does he make you happy?"

The martial artist blinked and even stepped back. She wasn't expecting the gunman to ask that sort of question. As quickly as her shock appeared, it just as quickly changed to a smiling, flushed face.

"He makes me very happy, Vincent." No lie there. Reno was probably the best thing that ever happened to Gaia's heroine.

Vincent smirked as his crimson pupils dropped to a recognizable bruise on Tifa's neck. Considering that her sable hair was straight as a board, it was safe to assume that a curling iron was not part of today's morning routine. "I can see that." So that explained her happy-go-lucky attitude this morning. Sex.

Tifa didn't know whether to laugh or blush even harder when she realized her best friend spotted a hickey on her neck. "You're one to talk, Valentine. I've seen more than a few lovebites on Yuffie." Yeah, Vincent held onto his vampire reputation very nicely.

Oh, my. Did Ifrit's Hellfire just freeze over? The female fighter glanced out her window to be sure that a pig wasn't flying across the clear sky. Honestly, it wasn't a common occurance that the enigmatic gunman blushed. "I don't draw blood," he paused to correct that statement. "Often."

His Avalanche teammate playfully wagged her index finger at him. "Shame on you, Vincent. Or maybe I should call you Dracula." Her voice deepened to a mysterious tone in order to jest.

Vincent chuckled. "I never heard Yuffie complain."

"Nobody else complained either," the barmaid pointed out, wiping down her counter. "People go in a tizzy when I start dating a senior Turk, but no one bats and eye when you and Yuffie get together." The former assassin raised an eyebrow, causing Tifa to be a bit more truthful. "Well, maybe a few did." His eyebrow remain lifted and she huffed in defeat. "Okay, one of my regular customers said you being with her was an unholy combination."

Hm ... that was a new one.

"But," Tifa went on, "you and Yuffie both work for the WRO. I'm Avalanche and Reno's part of Shinra."

Chaos's former host nodded as he realized his friend's dilemma. The term star-crossed came to his usual stoic mind. Romeo and Juliet, Tristan and Isolde, and even Tony and Maria. All lovers who were not supposed to be together but listened to their heart, regardless of the consequences. Of course, today was a modern world and it wasn't like Tifa being with Reno was going to end in untimely demise. Still, others felt it was better to "stick with your own kind".

"Tifa, if you and Reno are happy, shouldn't that be what matters most?"

She smiled and nodded her head in agreement. "Thank you, Vincent." Reaching up, Tifa wrapped her arms around his neck in an innocent hug. "You're a good listener, you know that?"

"Anything for a friend," he responded with a small smile. "Take care of him."

She giggled before answering back. "And you take care of that little ninja."

Actually, that shinobi better watch her back. Tifa had plans to enact revenge for that stunt Yuffie pulled with the manipulate materia.

* * *

**Mystic: (a la George Lopez) Ciao! I don't think I spelled that right, but who cares? Anyway, Sacred, thank you so much man. It's much appreciated and loved. Remember the slogan. Romantic saps unite! UNITE! And don't forget the feedback. (cue innocent smile) **


	8. 1900HOTSEX

**Disclaimer: I want to own them. I really do. Tifa would be a great babysitter and Reno can help me blow up stuff. SquareEnix still says no.**

Mystic: This idea just popped out of nowhere, I swear! Heh, that rhymed. Anyway, I can totally see Reno and Tifa doing this. Sexy couple they are, just like me and my husband. Once again, time to test my writing skills a bit. See if you can guess what the sexy pair are up to. Mwahahahahaha!

_

* * *

_

"Hello?"

_"Hey, babe."_

_"Reno! I didn't think you'd be able to call."_

_"Rufus the prick is taking a short walk and only needs Rude to guard him. I'm all by myself in this big room."_

_"Where's Tseng and Elena?"_

_"Next room, doing Shiva-knows-what to each other."_

_"You sound jealous."_

_"Yeah, babe. Bossman is getting laid and I haven't seen you in three days."_

_"Aw, you miss me, Re?"_

_"Duh, yo. It sucks going to bed alone."_

_"You're telling me. I miss your cocky grin in the mornings."_

_"Heheh. You said cock, Teef."_

_"Hmm ... something else I miss about you."_

_"Oh, really? Going through sex withdrawal?"_

_"And you aren't?"_

_"My hand can never compare to your magical touch, sexy lady. I miss your skin, baby."_

_"Moan that again, Reno. You're getting me tingly."_

_"That's the plan."_

_"Naughty little boy. I order you to lay down on that bed."_

_"Only if you take your top off. And you know for a fact that I ain't little."_

_"Reno, my top is already gone. You called me just when I got out of the shower."_

_"Heeey, you still dripping wet?"_

_"I'm always wet when you're around, Reno. It's that essence about you."_

_"Yeah, and you miss my 'essence', yo."_

_"And you miss the feel of my hot, wet, and tight pu--"_

_"Shit, babe! You're about to make me explode."_

_"Don't do that. I'm not there to lick it up."_

_" (growl) I wanna come home."_

_"Oh, you'll come. Believe me, you'll come in my home."_

_"Tifa, you bad girl."_

_"I thought you liked it when I was bad. (purr) "_

_"You know I like, babe. What kinda towel you wearing?"_

_" ... What towel?"_

_"Even better."_

_" (giggle) Are you laying down, naughty boy?"_

_"Are you, bad girl?" _

_"Unbutton your shirt the rest of the way ... "_

_"Go get the lube from our secret drawer ... "_

* * *

**Mystic: (sings) I wanna, li-li-lick you from your head to your toes and I wanna, move from the bed down to-down to the floor and I wanna, ah ah, you feel so good I don't wanna leave, but I gotta. Let-let me know what-what's your fantasy!**

**Now that I got y'all warmed up, who's ready for the actual lemon? Yeah, give me some feedback. It makes me feel good.**


	9. Water Dance

**Disclaimer: (sets trap in order to capture Reno and Tifa.) Come on red. Come get the Playboy. (looks around at SquareEnix) What? I'm not doing anything.**

_Mystic: Heh, ignore that really weird disclaimer. I can't stand Playboy anyway because it got wrapped up in politics. Anyway, I don't know about you guys, but I smell a lemon! It's extra juicy too! This lemon takes place after Reno proposed. Go on sexy fairy. You are set free to corrupt the minds of those readers over the age of eighteen. Or seventeen if you're really mature._

* * *

A blanket of ethereal darkness hovered over the air. Tiny and blinking orbs of light pitted across the sky and one spherical moon hung in it's wake. Nightfall had arrived, descending it's mysterious aura over a pair of lovers. One man with hair of the brightest red and his better half; a woman with rich, sable locks of beauty.

This pair was not supposed to be together, even if the sparkly ring on her finger told otherwise. They didn't care though, despite what friends and co-workers objected to. Well, their true friends didn't say a word against them, so it was really just biased numbskulls that spoke harshly. Those individuals could jump in a lake wearing a perfectly fitted pair of cement shoes.

Reno was a Turk. He could make it happen. Not tonight though. Hands that could very easily send a person's soul to the Lifestream with a deadly EMR was currently causing a woman's body to moan and sigh in contentment.

Tifa left a trail of tender, sweet-tasting kisses along his neck and jaw, finally ending with a more intense meeting upon his mouth. The Avalanche member moaned into her lover, her pure love for him increasing to the moon as he lay her down on the comfy blankets that lined their tent. His jacket was removed earlier in the evening, leaving his shirt free for Tifa to remove. Buttons scattered across the sea of blankets as she hastily opened his dress shirt, a desperate attempt to see and feel his bare chest.

Reno let out a seductive growl as his brunette partner smoothed his shirt off his shoulders in a slow, teasing manner. She welcomed the warmth his body gave off, reveling in his kisses, and melting into his arms. Her shirt was next to flutter to the side, again in that same teasing slowness. Goosebumps raised on her exposed flesh as the night breeze leaked into the tent walls. Tifa felt safe around Reno, which was strange considering she could handle herself against ten untrained men.

But more than safe, she also always felt loved.

The Turk's nimble fingers toyed with her bra and removed it with a skilled touch. His head dipped down to nuzzle her breasts, his tongue darting out to play with the jewels that pierced her nipples. A wanton groan escaped her. Since having those done, breast play felt much more intense. Each movement of his tongue washed wave after wave of pleasurable sensations rolling along her trim body. She fisted her fingers through his ruby locks, taking out the elastic that held his hair, before motioning for him to join her at her gasping mouth.

Reno eagerly obliged and settle his weight, cradling her head and kissing her deep. He always tasted so unique; a combination of tobacco and cinnamon. She could kiss him for days and never tire of it.

"You in for some adventure, babe?" he murmered against her sensitive lips. The Turk felt her smile against him and he took the opportunity to gently bite her lower lip.

Tifa's voice was breathy and heated. "What are you planning, Re?"

Much to the martial artist's disappointment, she felt the addictive weight of him leave as he stood up. Black slacks were shucked off followed by bright red boxer briefs. "C'mon Teef, let's go out to the water."

Tweezed eyebrows raised to the sky. Not because her lover was stark naked in front of her, but mainly because of his extremely naughty suggestion. "The water's cold!" she protested. That, and their best friends were like five feet away in another tent. Sleep wasn't happening in that tent either.

"But the air is warm," Reno pointed out. He offered her his hand. "I'll keep you cozy. Promise."

Damn. She never could resist that mischievious grin of his. Tifa stood and threw off the rest of her clothes, before grabbing a blanket to shield her and her new fiancee. Holding onto the comforter, the couple bolted outside and ran toward the water, Tifa giggling the entire time. Reno jumped in first and swam out to a secluded area. Tifa followed suit, still giggling like a schoolgirl doing something naughty and hush-hush for the first time. The water was a bit chillier than expected, but her betrothed's warm arms was a welcome haven.

Whoever said that making love in the water was overrated must never had tried it. Sweat and cool liquid encassed them, an erotic contrast to the heat their bodies released. Her arms wrapped around his shoulders and her lean legs wrapped around his waist. She sheathed him in one smooth motion, the natural lubrication of the water mixing with her own wetness. His thrusts were slow and precise, fueled by the buoyancy of the lake. He gripped her hips and suckled her neck, enjoying the taste of her soft skin.

They continued their ancient dance surrounded by the mystical sheen of the water. Reno's mouth grazed up the side of her neck and rested on her gasping lips, capturing her moans so not to disturb the other campers. Tifa bit his lower lip as the sensations he gave her throbbed to untapped heights. A pulsing ache sparked where they were joined and she dug her nails harder into his back.

"Reno ..." she breathed. Her moans were hushed, yet heated. "Reno ... ah, ahhh."

He pushed harder inside her core. "Say it babe," he whispered against the side of her face. "What's my name?"

Gaia, that cockiness and smug pride of his! It never failed to push her to the brink. She abandoned her body to his ways and shrieked his name against his shoulder as the climax took over. "Reno," she groaned. "Oh, Reno."

Nothing was hotter than hearing a woman speak your name during sex. With one final thrust upward, his own orgasm shot forth and Tifa was on the receiving end of his creamy essence. Her name escaped him, the sound of it like a chant to the divine.

A loud motorcycle rode past, ignored the by the newly engaged couple locked together in the water. Cloud recently finished a delivery to the owners of the entire campground when he noticed something strange in the dark lake. On closer inspection, he realized that it was a pair of lovers taking liberties with the open air. Too late did the hero-turn-delivery boy realize it was Tifa and Reno. But it wasn't disgust that made the blond man turn around and pretend he didn't see a thing. It was hurt.

Anyone within a ten-mile radius could spot the gigantic rock proudly displayed on her left hand. An engagement ring. Seeing that object of desire was like a shot to the heart. It was official to Cloud Strife now. Tifa moved on. She was happy and pledged to marry another man.

It looked like he dilly-dallyed for too long.

* * *

**Mystic: You readers can ignore that I returned from camping recently right? Right? Just review please.**


	10. Mmmm, doughnuts

**Disclaimer: La-la-la-la. I don't own. La-la-la. Take a long walk off a short pier.**

_Mystic: So, now that the lemon is out of the way, I can start working on requests again. Sacred and Profane left me a bunch of them when I started this series. Now, yes. I will write Tifa's revenge on Yuffie, but I want to write some of his requests first. I mean, the dude did call me his muse. (squeal) I'm a muse! Pay attention. MUSE, not mouse. I may be only five feet tall, but I'm meaner than a six foot rattlesnake. Anyway, one of his earlier ideas was for Tifa to have a Homer Simpson moment and be chowing down on some doughnuts. Hm, why would a young woman want to eat unhealthy food for no apparent reason?_

* * *

Waddle ...

Wiggle ...

Waddle, widdle, wiggle, waggle.

Such was the bane of every pregnant female. Yes, a woman carrying life seemed to glow with a new spirit and true, most women felt amazing while with child. However, Tifa Lockheart had to wonder how carrying a six-pound baby meant she gained an extra thirty. Purplish stretch marks streaked across her once flat abdomen, her natural D-cup breasts were even larger than before, and her fingers were swollen to the point that she had to remove her wedding ring and place it on a chain around her neck.

Still, her breasts were quite endowed and that made her husband very happy. Having sex felt even better than before and her orgasms went to the freakin' moon and back. Sex made her pregnant and now being pregnant gave her a better sex life. Totally cool irony right there. Let's not forget the food. Food, glorious food! Eating rocked ass while knocked up. Smells and tastes increase tenfold when you have a life in you. Everything simply tastes divine. Cravings were cool too. When else could you request raspberries in the middle of winter and no one bat an eye? Seeing the father of your baby groan in frustration before going outside in the cold to get the raspberries was fun, definately.

Reno didn't have to wake up at two in the morning this time though. No, the food Tifa craved this time was luckily already in the pantry.

Yummy. Fluffy, gooey chocolate doughnuts, complete with a sugary-sweet chocolate icing. Oh, baby. Come to mama!

Tifa tried to tiptoe to the kitchen, but her protruding stomach made that physically impossible, hence that waddling phase annoying her brain. The martial artist refused to wear black anymore lest she be called a penguin. Reeve was still in the hospital after that mishap.

Hey, her stomach may be large, but that doesn't mean her fists are any less dangerous.

After pouring herself a tall glass of frothy milk, Mrs. Reno sat down at the kitchen table with the box of doughnuts in front of her. _Hey, baby. Did you miss me?_ She swirled her finger along the top of the pastry before licking the icing off. _Oh, yeah. It's going to get nasty now._

Heaven. Sweet, chocolatey heaven. That first bite put the pregnant girl in a state of euphoria. Her second bite was the perfect moment of zen. She was surrounded by mountains of the brown goodness. Lakes of cold milk drenched the valleys that flowed forth and rainshowers of sweet glaze iced the landscape. Doughnuts made of flour and chocolate was easily determined to be the Ancients parting gift to all women in circumstances. Tifa's unborn child surely agreed. Kicks and fluttery movements shifted in her growing womb as the sugary treat sparked in her offspring.

"I thought you would like this," Tifa spoke between bites of yummy delight. Her bare hand rested on her tummy and lovingly caressed the expanding flesh. "You've been giving me lots of heartburn lately, little one. Does that mean you're going to have a lot of hair?"

A sleepy-sounding snort answered her thought-out-loud question. "Teef, you know that's an old wive's tale," Reno said with a yawn. Crimson eyebrows raised when his acute eyes spotted the box of doughnuts sitting in front of his wife. "Hungry, babe?"

"I'm eating for two," she answered with a sheepish grin.

The tired father-to-be pulled up a chair and sat next to his expectant wife. "You're cute,yo." Reno resisted the urge to steal a treat for himself. Reeve didn't need any company in the hospital that badly. "You're cute and I love you and ... Why you crying?!"

Tifa started to sniffle and she wiped away the tears streaming down her usual glowing face. "You never say I'm sexy anymore."

You're kidding right? She's upset over that? "Babe, you know I think you're sexy."

"How come you say I'm cute instead?!" Her tears came in full force now and she dropped her head into her palms.

Reno sighed and pulled his wife into his arms. "Cuz your belly is cute, that's why. I think you look cute with a big belly."

A chuckle finally escaped instead of sobs as the street fighter glanced down over her changing body. "My belly isn't the only thing that's grown."

Yes, and that's precisely why Reno likes it when his wife wears low-cut shirts in her condition.

The Turk smirked at her truthful remark. "Our kid will be well-fed, babe."

Breastmilk. It does a baby good.

* * *

**Mystic: Breast is best and chocolate really is a pregnant woman's best friend. For those readers who like stand-up comedy, I channeled Gabriel Iglesias and George Lopez. Dane Cook will be brought in later. Those three never fail to lighten up my day. Don't forget to review now! That lightens up my day too.**


	11. Accidentally in Love

**Disclaimer: (Mystic is being chased by the angst fairy)**

**Mystic: Go away! I don't want you anymore! **

**Angst Fairy: You can't ignore me forever! Angst is good sometimes. (Mystic continues to run.) ****Nobody wants me. (pouts) I'm sad.**

**Mystic: Anybody want to adopt a fairy? She's housebroken and everything!**

**Angst Fairy: Mystic doesn't own anything either. (draws on eyeliner and takes out razor blade)**

* * *

So she said, what's the problem baby?  
What's the problem, I don't know  
Well, maybe I'm in love  
Think about it everytime ...

"Accidentally in Love"  
Counting Crows

Tifa recognized it immediately. She knew that look as soon as she walked in the door to Reno's apartment. The Turk's sullen face and lack of laughter told his brunette lover exactly what was going on. A sigh escaped Edges famous bartender as she placed her keys on his countertop, her opposite hand landing on her hip. She never liked to see Reno in a depressed funk. For one, depression from anybody brought an eerie Cloud-feel to it; and two, Reno's way of coping usually involved one to many adult beverages.

Keyword was usually. Despite that the experienced assassin was sprawled out on his couch completely shirtless, his emeraled eyes were fortunately clear and his breath smelled only of it's typical tobacco. "What's up, Reno?" she asked, leaning over to kiss his forehead.

His response was unexpected. The martial arts master found herself wrapped in his lean arms and yanked down so her head rested in the crook of his neck. Reno moaned into the feel of her silky hair, comforted by the weight of her trim form. "You'll never leave me, right babe?"

Huh? That was very unlike the sexy redhead she fell for. Normally, the cause for his rare sad days was dealing with a certain blond, or an iffy assassination. Her fidelity was never an issue because they both knew she was head over heels in love with him. Just as he was with her. Why would he question it now? She stayed over at his place several days a week and the pair even shared an insurance policy.

Reno would never forget the look on Rufus' face when he requested that Avalanche supporter Tifa Lockheart be his beneficiary.

The striking eyes that always drew Reno in with their beauty and knowing innocence were looking up at him, confusion and near anger ringing in the orbs. "Reno, you know I'd never leave you."

"What about your friends?" He reached up to stroke her cheek, one of his rare romantic gestures.

"Has Cloud been talking to you again?" Frustration was about to break in Tifa's voice. She kissed his cheek to relax and reassure them both.

Her Turk lover groaned a negative response and shook his head slowly from side to side. "Barrett," he corrected with a grunt. Tifa sat up fully on her boyfriend's stomach at the mention of her gun-armed teammate. She balanced herself upon Reno's defined stomach muscles and took one of his hands in hers. "Why do people keep telling me to stick my own kind?" he asked.

Sympathy and frustration mixed in her feelings. Reno shouldn't have to go through this. It wasn't right that their relationship was judged so harshly by their peers. Frankly, it sucked. When Barrett started dating Elmeyra, no big deal. Only a rare few voiced surprise when Vincent declared his feelings for a certain ninja. No one even batted an eye when proper Nanaki was found in a compromising position with a common street cat. Everyone laughed later though when Nanaki was diagnosed with a new strain of lice the following week, but that was a whole separate tale. Still, even that scandal was nothing compared to, "Tifa Lockheart found fucking Senior Turk".

That was something else that irked Gaia's female savior. She wasn't having sex with Reno or making sweet love with him very frequently, they were fucking. People automatically assumed that the two were your basic fuck-buddies and not your magical, young couple in love.

Cid went so far as to accuse Reno of R-A-P-E, but Tifa's foot to the pilot's throat stopped that false accusation once and for all.

"Barrett is just old school," Tifa finally said. "They just refuse to understand, I guess."

Reno decided to sit up too and grabbed a cigarette in the process. "The vampire and the ninja girl don't care. Even 'Laney, Rude and Tseng have warmed up to you." Rufus was still iffy about it, but the prick didn't even like it when Elena and Tseng hooked up. Reno sighed, a puff of smoke wafting into the air.

Tifa bit her lip and tried to think of something. Anything that could improve her loved one's mood. Her gaze fell to his bedroom. While that would prove a temporary release of stress, it wouldn't really solve the problem. Besides, she stayed with him so many nights that part of his closet was declared hers.

Vermillion eyes widened at the lightbulb striking overhead. That's it! True, it wouldn't solve anything. Actually, it would probably make it worse, but at the very least, Reno might take it as a realization that the relationship was in for the long hall.

"Reno?" she smiled, taking the opportunity to plop into his lap. "I'm over here quite a bit, aren't I?"

A ruby eyebrow raised at her antics. "Yeeaaah," he said with suspicion, closing his arms around her thin waist.

"I've got a bunch of my clothes in your closet and even a toothbrush over here ... " Her grin got wider when she realized her lover caught the hint.

Reno tilted his head to the side, putting out the cancer stick. "You saying you want to move in with me, yo?" At her eager nod, the carrot-topped man fused his lips to hers in a fierce kiss. She moaned into him, joyous to know that he accepted her offer. When they finally pulled apart, Tifa let out a girlish shriek as Reno lifted her bridal style and carried her into what would now be their bedroom.

Let the others talk. Nobody said love was easy or predictable. Pathways of life can cross in unusual ways and those starcrossed lovers would always feel a happiness few would understand. It was much more exciting then "sticking with your own kind".

Romeo and Juliet just can't hold a candle to the love called Reno and Tifa.

* * *

**Mystic: Okay, the references to West Side Story should really stop, but I just can't leave it alone! Yes, this idea was one of Sacred's requests. Specifically, Reno being depressed and Tifa cheering him up. What better than moving in with him? Couldn't resist using the Shrek song either. I'm a sucker for that movie. Feedback?**


	12. Life's a Beach

**Disclaimer: Nope. These characters still elude me. (to SquareEnix) Go to Hell!**

_Mystic: (sings) It seems today, that all you see, is violence in movies and sex on TV. (authoress composes herself) Look out guys. I sense a Family Guy parody. Now, Maniac sent me in an idea that just made me laugh. Poor Reno, he never can keep his mouth shut. _

* * *

Note to self: Never piss off a sexy bartender who contains the ability to kick serious ass.

Senior Turk Reno has kept that very important mental note fairly well since the start of his romance with sexy Tifa. That's not to say he was whipped by any means. Hell no. Super far from the truth, thank you. Reno was the master at sly words and suave actions that, for the most part, would usually make Tifa forget her side of the argument and let him have his way. Yeah, he was good like that. Seduction worked wonders too. Nothing was cooler than turning an angry woman into a puddle of goo by an impromptu striptease complete with chocolate syrup.

Not today though. The planets weren't aligned properly or something. As soon as he walked in the door to their apartment and saw that angry look on her face, he knew that he was in trouble for something that he really didn't remember doing. Well, he did do her, but that always makes her happy.

"Reno, what is this?" Tifa stood with her hip cocked to the side and one hand pointing the floor by the couch.

Green eyes followed down the length of her slender arm to the spot on the floor. A pair of rumpled boxer briefs and dark blue jeans lay haphazardly on the ground. "My clothes, babe," he answered with a shrug.

"What are they doing on the hardwood floor that I work very hard to keep clean?"

Eesh, she was pissed over that? Holy crap. Okay, time to start the magical tongue he was blessed with. Time to weave sly words that would leave her creaming in his wake. Now was the moment that demanded his mischievious smirk and--

"Quit standing there like an idiot, Reno! Why the hell are your clothes laying on the floor?!"

Never mind. "Teef, if I recall, you're the one who flung them off me." His face dropped to a scowl, masculine pride unwilling to let the female win.

Tifa was unnerved as she ungracefully stomped toward him. "Are you too lazy to pick them up before you go to work?"

"Are you?"

"I'm not your servant, Reno!" she yelled right in his face.

No. Right now, bitch would be more accurate. He calmly walked past to grab something out of the fridge, but was stopped by her hand grabbing his arm. Oh, no she didn't. "Look, yo. I work very hard--"

"Don't give me that shit, Reno," she cursed. "Your job is not that hard." Tifa grabbed his EMR and pretended to zap an invisible opponent. "BZZZ! There. They die."

His crimson eyebrow raised in amusement. "Oh, yeah? Miss, press-the-red-button-and-BOOM-goes-Mako reactor?"

"Shut up, Reno."

"You shut up."

"No, you!"

"Bitch."

Tifa's vermillion eyes began to flare dangerously. "What did you call me?" Her tone took a very serious and very deadly drop.

Too late did Reno spot the box of "feminine products" sitting on the counter. Ah, so that explains her bitchy mood. Witchy mood. Damn, he was going to be a dead man.

"Beach," he quickly corrected, slowly backing away to the door. "You and I should totally go to the beach one day."

The promise of a vacation to Costa del Sol meant jack squat at the moment, Reno noticed, as his specialized weapon came flying toward his head. Along with his jeans and boxers.

Note to self: Work lots of overtime when Tifa is on the rag.

* * *

BONUS CHAPTER

Four young adults sat slumped over the coffee table in Vincent Valentine's apartment. Tifa was half-way sitting on Reno's lap, a glassy look in both of their eyes. Yuffie was genuinely sprawled next to her boyfriend, somehow tangling herself in his cape. At the moment, the shinobi was too inebriated to care.

Vincent glanced up at the ceiling and sighed as if in deep thought. "I never ... made love to a blind girl ... uh ... with my underwear half on ... fuck ... while wearing cowboy boots ... and uh ... a feather hat."

"Oh, COME ON!" Reno shrieked. Whose stupid idea was it to play I Never? The redhead reluctantly reached for his beer and swallowed another swig. His eyes were near shut, but he remained awake--barely.

Yuffie sat up briefly as her turn came around. "Uh ... " she started, leaning back against her goth lover. "I never did the same thing only ... in Texas?"

"COME ON!" Reno yelled again.

"Where's Texas?" Tifa slurred, watching as her fiancee downed another sip.

The ninja shrugged, putting her head on Vincent's warm lap. "I dunno. Made it up."

"Night-night ... " Reno yawned as he finally passed out. His head made a painful noise and lovely dent on the coffee table, causing a drunken cheer to exit from his busty babe.

"Yay! My man passed out first!" Tifa held out her hands to Yuffie and Vincent. "Pay up guys."

"Can we write on him?" Yuffie asked with a snort. Vincent looked at his tiny ninja with a questioning glance. Was anybody sober enough to write legibly?

Apparently so. Reno was not at all happy to see 'Insert condom here' on his buttcheeks the next morning.

* * *

**Mystic: Okay, so I threw a bonus story in. Couldn't help it. Happy fairy went crazy. Now, if you'll excuse me, I think the guys in white suits on their way to take yours truely to the crazy house. (cue insane cackle) Feedback? Review? It makes me happy ... **


	13. Bunny Hop

**Disclaimer: SquareEnix owns the characters, I own the series, and The Sacred and Profane owns the idea.**

_Mystic: Hey, I try to give credit where it's due. For example, in our previous chapter where Reno got drunk off his gourd playing I Never, the whole sex-with-blind girl-wearing-feathered hat-in-Texas was my husband's suggestion. Other ideas just come out of nowhere. My mind is just strange like that. Anyway, I think it's time to have some fun with Transform materia. Well, Sacred thinks it'll be fun. I was going to tie this chapter in to Truth or Dare, but another idea sparked instead. Jenna Jameson, eat your heart out._

* * *

He met Marmalade down in ole New Orleans  
Strutting her stuff on the street  
She said, Hello hey Joe  
You wanna give it a go?

"Lady Marmalade"  
Labelle

Tifa really wanted to get Reno something special for their one year wedding anniversary. Marriage to the suave and sexy redhead of the Turks had certainly been an adventure. Bridal showers thrown by Turks and eventually receiving Cloud's blessing was only half the exciting tale. But, living together and finally being married was very much, too separate ideals. Even though a couple lives together for awhile, that arrangement is not at all permanent. You can still cut ties if the need arrives. Marriage though, is a sacred union. The vows do clearly say, 'til death do you part.

Marriage really was what brought them togethah. That dweam within a dweam.

Ugh, maybe it was time to stop watching The Princess Bride whenever Reno was away guarding Rufus.

Consequently, her upcoming anniversary is the reason why the martial artist was sitting in front of her computer and looking up genital piercings. Yuffie finally talked Tifa into it, explaining that orgasms increased tenfold and it looked just plain HOT. At the moment, Edge's barmaid was browsing the website of one of the local tattoo/piercing parlors, images of vulvas and labias splayed across the monitor. Luckily, Reno was already at Shinra Headquarters. He'd have a massive stroke if he saw what his lovely wife was adding to the computer's history.

The brunette beauty leaned forward and placed her chin on her hands, trying to determine what would be the best piece of jewelry for her. A ring on her clitoral hood seemed to be the best bet. Now, did she want vertical or horizontal? Vertical definately looked sexy, but according to Yuffie, those were too easy to tear out from rough sex. Considering that Reno tended to be rather rambunctious in the sack, probably not the safest idea.

Horizontal was the other option and it did have a much more mystical appeal to it. The horizontal piercing was an actual ring while vertical was a curved bar. Horizontal could also contain an actual jewel and looked like it could withstand her and Reno's sexcapades. Tifa kept that one in mind before clicking on another image.

This piercing was much more old-school and supposedly originated in many ancient cultures. The outer labia. Historically speaking, this was piercing very masculine in design. Husbands would pierce their wives in that area, then link the rings together to prevent any adultery if he was away at war. Of course, that was pretty much irrelevant in today's modern world. Flashing her wedding band was enough to deter any suitor who tried to woo Tifa. If that didn't work, her own fists of fury or Reno's EMR of pain to a groin would do the trick.

Still, having one or two rings on her outer lips did look kickass sultry. Gosh, this was a tough decision. With her nipples, it was easy. All one needed to decide was bar or ring. The pain was sharp, but over pretty quickly. An over-the-counter pain medication lessoned it even further. Yuffie, who was the proud carrier of a horizontal ring, confessed that the initial stick with the ring/bar hurt like a mo-fo, but after that, it was all good. Nothing major. Well, the alcoholic wipe that they used to steralize you down there didn't exactly feel like a walk in the park, but better that than risk an infection.

And that's bad.

Leaning back in the comfy computer chair, Tifa reached for her cell phone and dialed the number of Vincent's hyperactive fiancee. The former Turk popped the question a few months prior. "Yuffie, it's Tifa."

_Hey, girl. Sup?_

"I finally figured out what piercing to get." The rings on the outer labia just looked too beautiful and sensual to resist. Better yet, Magical Needles and Ink bragged an impressive reputation and experienced personnel. Prices were reasonable too.

_Great! I take it that's what you're getting Reno for your anniversary?_

"Yeah. He thinks they're hot even though he won't get one." Ah, to have Reno get a Prince Albert. That would be pure sexual bliss right there. "You're gonna come with me, right?"

_What? Do I have to?_

Tifa grinned an evil grin. What a horrible pity that Yuffie couldn't witness it. "Well, I could take that video I have of you at my wedding reception and post it on the web. Consider that blackmail for taping what I did with a certain action figure."

_You bitch._

"Skank," Tifa playfully shot back. That wasn't the first time she'd been called a bitch and it certainly won't be the last.

_How does being engaged to a goth gunman make me a skank?_

The Avalanche fighter rolled her pretty eyes. Yuffie may be a mature young woman now, but that didn't mean the shinobi stopped having her trademark blonde moments. "Oh, and let me borrow your Transform materia," Tifa asked. "I'm going to rock Reno's world tonight."

* * *

Keys dropped to the ground and crimson eyebrows raised to the roof of the apartment. What hot-blooded male wouldn't like returning home from a stressful day and find _this?_ "Lady Marmalade" blasted through the apartment and lean, sexy female danced out wearing nothing more than a slinky black negligee. Long bunny ears sat upon her sable locks and a small, poofy tail graced her tight rear.

Reno smiled a victorious and cheeky grin as he noticed the glowing orb on Tifa's armlet. He silently thanked the heavens again for giving him a sultry, sexy wife. Tifa always knew what got her man's blood boiling. He had a fetish for black lingerie and his lady knew for a fact that he still kept a small stash of a certain men's magazine in his office at headquarters. That is why she transformed herself into a sexy bunny for his pleasure.

After gyrating and grinding around her still prideful husband, Tifa eventually danced her way over to the kitchen table. Hours before his arrival home, the hot wife had adorned it with a white tablecloth, preparing for a night of sexual fun all over the apartment. She hopped, yes hopped, on top of the sheet and beckoned for her sexy spouse.

"You want some of the good stuff, don't you?" she said in husky and come-hither voice.

G-string? What g-string? Tifa purposefully went commando under her black nightie and the way she lying on the table gave Reno a heavenly glance at her new pierced regions. Two rings pierced each side of her outer labia, giving him enough incentive to hurriedly strip off his uniform and glomp her on the table with a manly growl. The couple paid good gil for the table they were about to christen and it better well hold up.

Damn, she went through all this for their first anniversary and all he got for her was a ruby necklace.

_Four weeks later ..._

Masculine and feminine fingers linked together in nervousness and fear. The bedsheets crinkled from the weight of them sitting on the bed, and two pairs of eyes glanced at each other before looking into the bathroom where a specialized stick sat waiting on the sink.

This was the longest five minutes in the history of Gaia.

Tifa finally took a deep breath and walked to the bathroom after the timer went off. She picked the small device off of the sink with a hopeful smile and then turned to her waiting husband.

"Well?" Reno asked.

Tifa grinned and shrugged in a sheepish, almost giddy manner. "I'm pregnant."

* * *

**Mystic: You guys were wanting another lemon weren't you? Naughty readers! Now, to clarify for you few innocents, Jenna Jameson is a porn star who has posed for Playboy. Please do not ask how I know that a vertical hood piercing can tear out from rough sex. Just don't. So ... yeah. Um ... review? **


	14. Shiny Materia

**Disclaimer: What makes you think I own these people? Just because I write about them doesn't mean jack squat.**

_Mystic: Raise of hands. Who wants to see Tifa and Reno get revenge of Yuffie for her little stunt with manipulate materia? Okay ... 1 ... 2 ... Yes, the revenge is here! Give your thanks to The Sacred and Profane for this idea. He's much more creative than I am. I'm his muse, he's my muse, it kinda works out. Yuffie, when will you ever learn? Of course, when you have a guy like Vincent "punishing" you, you really don't. _

* * *

Long fingers sped across a computer keyboard, driven by the urge to look up something humorous and oddball out of sheer boredom. The workday had been way, waaaaay too long. Reno's mind was fuckin' fried thanks to a monotone meeting with Rufus and the Anal Prick, then another one via Reeve, King of Robotic Dolls. Board meetings with those two never failed to make the badass' day fun, fun, fun.

Eh, his sarcasm filter was horribly drained. Fun was supposed to be defined as slipping between the sheets with a certain sexy barmaid named Tifa. Sharing a bed with her would be loads of fun. Making her writhe and squirm underneath him would be the perfect definition of fun. Yeah, lots of adult fun with Tifa Lockheart. Many, many adult fun moments involving him, Tifa, and warming massage oil.

Sweet ...

Yeah, okay. Back to the computer. Green eyes shifted toward the moniter, their owner vainly attempting to forget about the wine-eyed sex goddess. "Son of a bitch," Reno sighed, slumping back into his computer chair. He and Tifa haven't been dating long and all he thought about was getting her in bed and fucking her senseless.

So many thoughts penetrated into the crimson assassin's mind. No, sex did not equal love and the fact that he _wanted_ to perform the horizontal tango with Tifa most likely fueled the reputation that he a lice-ridden man-whore. Uncaring male slut he was not, and he was only diagnosed with crabs once. That was a mission gone terribly wrong and since then, it was bare floors to prevent anymore bloodsucking critters.

Kindly ignore the fact that he has lived the life of a celibate monk since his infatuation with Ms. Lockheart.

Moving on ...

The thing was though, Reno was really falling hard for the brunette fighter. Lust was only one emotion he was experiencing. Tifa deserved all the happiness the universe could throw at her. She needed the love and attention that an idiot swordsman with blond spikes refused to give. What better way for a man to prove his love for a young woman then giving her an earth-shattering, toe curling orgasm? Reno couldn't think of a better way. That wasn't to say that all the redhead knew was sex and violence, but ...

Damn, he couldn't think of a way to finish that thought.

The Turk sat up in surprise when he noticed that a certain hyperactive ninja chick posted a new video on the ITube site. "Busty babe plays with doll," Reno read softly. "The hell?"

Curiosity was such a naughty little emotion, causing the tired Shinra employee to click on the strange video.

Holy ...

Sweet Shiva fucking Ifrit riding Bahamut doing Ramuh! Oh, great guardians of Gaia. This was fucking HOT!

If Reno wasn't damned to Hellfire for his sexual exploits before, he certainly would be now. His sharp eyes were glued to the LCD screen, watching with fascination as his new girlfriend pleasured herself with an action figure of himself. Her long legs were spread wide, and her shirt was open and exposed. And she moaned. Oh, baby. Her moans were heavenly sounding. Every part of her being moaned in the want and need of a man. What drew Reno in even more was that the man she desired was _him_. Tifa _wanted_ him. She wanted Reno to invade her lithe form. She craved the feel of him making love to her.

Now Reno was mentally kicking himself for denying his girl. His original thought was that this relationship needed to be taken slow. Boy, did the video prove him wrong and utterly stupid. All the pieces were beginning to make sense. Why Tifa would pout when he ended a makeout session. Or why the former terrorist got upset when her carrot-topped boyfriend declined the opportunity to go back to her place for some "coffee".

Idiot man! Idiot!

But Yuffie ... That little ninja was in so much trouble. How dare the shuriken-toting brat; taping killer footage like this and not giving it to the busty babe's main man.

Be forewarned young shinobi. Payback has always been a nasty bitch.

* * *

Tifa fought back a yawn as she opened the door to her apartment the following morning. Her vermillion eyes were still adjusting to the bright sunlight and she could've swore she saw flame-red hair and sexy green eyes staring back at her.

Wait, she did see those features. "Reno!" she exclaimed, motioning for her boyfriend to walk inside. "What brings you here so early?"

Her happy smile told Reno that she welcomed his presence in these early hours. Quite frankly, even sans makeup and unkempt hair, Tifa was still the most gorgeous woman on the planet. The silk robe she wore only added to her natural beauty today. It was thin and smooth, the pale blue fabric gently hugging her curves. Hello ...

Forcing his eyes to meet with hers, Reno wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled his lady into a soft kiss. "Thought I'd stop by to see my girl," he whispered. "You look sexy this morning."

She couldn't help but blush at his compliment. "Thanks Reno."

The Turk reluctantly released his lucky lady and sauntered over to her computer. "Hey, you wanna know what Yuffie's been up to?"

Tifa chuckled as she followed him. "You mean, besides chasing after Vincent?"

Reno plopped down on her computer chair and pulled Tifa into his lap. Dammit, if revenge wasn't necessary, he would have yanked the sexy babe into her boudouir when he first arrived. "She's done more than swoon over the vampire," Reno corrected as he reached for the keyboard.

Tifa wasn't quite sure if she wanted to know why her badass assassin was searching through Yuffie's account on ITube. Something dreadful was spewing in the pit of her stomach.

Then her heart stopped.

"That bitch!" Tifa leapt up from Reno's lap, her face red in fury. "I'll kill her!" It was then that the street fighter noticed her boyfriend's smirk. Oh, dear Ancients. Reno saw that video. He saw her ... doing that ... She dropped her head into her palms, not even wanting to face the man she made it to second base with.

"Babe, calm down," Reno suggested, grabbing her waist to pull her back in his lap. He noticed her flushed face and purposefully decided to whisper his plan into her ear. His mouth hovered by her cheek and his voice dropped to a low, seductive tone. "That's why we're taking our revenge, sexy. You, me, and some experimental materia."

His breath sent shivers down her spine. Goosebumps raised on her skin, barely hidden by the thin robe that adorned her body. "Sounds good so far," she whispered back.

Reno dropped one his hands from her waist and skimmed it over her belly. He moved his face even closer to hers, their flesh barely touching one another. "Then, when we're done, I'll carry you to my bed, throw you down, and proceed to take you around the freakin' world."

"Can't you do me now?" Oh, no. Did she really say that out loud?

He intertwined their fingers and gave a sly chuckle. "Trust me babe, after I'm through with you, walking will be outta the question." Bitchin'. Tifa's flush was as red as his hair. "And I need you at your finest for this mission."

* * *

This sucked. This completely and utterly sucked eggs. If it was possible, Yuffie would truely kick herself in the rear. However, that was completely impossible in her current condition. Those responsible are going to be in severe pain.

"I hate you!" the ninja screeched.

"Now, now," Tifa chided, wagging her finger at the girl. "That's a strong word for a lady of your years."

Yuffie pouted, making sure to stick out her bottom lip, before plopping on the floor with her arms crossed. "Where's Reno? He promised materia."

Edge's best bartender chuckled at the sight before her. The experimental materia magically transformed the energetic hunter of all things shiny and round into a rambunctious three-year-old girl. Actually, Yuffie was a cute little kid. Her big black eyes and ebony hair done in pigtails, paired with a tiny amount of leftover baby fat, created an all-around adorable child that Tifa didn't mind keeping an eye on. Especially when the promise of a consummated relationship was her reward.

"Reno's getting us some lunch first," Tifa stated as she knelt down to meet the girl's eyes. "Do you want to color until he gets back?"

Those cute pigtail's swished wildly in response. "I want play outside."

The new babysitter smiled softly. "Well, it's a bit cold out there." To make her point, Tifa pointed to the window where dark clouds hovered in the frigid air.

"Pwease, Teefa? I want outside!" Yuffie looked up and clasped her hands, batting her thick eyelashes twice to make her case. That trick always worked back in Wutai. "Pwease?"

The heiress' ploy was successful. Tifa relented and sighed, hoping that Barrett accidentally left one of Marlene's coats over here. "Let's get you a jacket, okay?"

"Yay!" Yuffie squealed and clapped her hands repeatedly. She jumped up and ran toward the window that overlooked the new Midgar City. Seventh Heaven was much more interesting as a three-year-old. "Can I have a cape too?"

Tifa looked up from the hallway closet in confusion. "A cape?" she questioned, reaching over to grab one of the smaller coats hanging on the hooks.

"Yeah!" the child nodded excitedly. "There's this man with long hair and a red cape. I think he's pretty!"

A girlish giggle left Tifa as she handed the future empress a jacket. As luck would have it, the hue was a deep ruby. "Well, it's not exactly a cape, but the color's the same."

"Vinnie!" Yuffie squealed again, clutching the coat in a death grip. "We can play out for a long time, right?"

"We'll have to come inside when your cheeks get red, okay?" Tifa zipped up her own coat before helping the girl with hers.

"Or when Reno gets back with materia!" With that exclamation, Yuffie bounded outside with her pigtails flopping from beneath her hood. The grown-up member of Avalanche followed closely behind, eager to see how hyper the heiress was as a child.

The answer was a definate very. Child Yuffie's first action was to climb up to the roof.

"Yuffie!" Tifa yelled out of shock. Anger was only a small part of the equation. Shock and fear that the girl would fall off and break her neck was the main part of it. "Yuffie get down here this instant!"

All the bartender got in reply was a rambunctious giggle as the young ninja crawled and jumped around on the shingles. Miss Tifa was getting way too worked up over this. All the good stealth assassins were able to walk on rooftops before they could even crawl. Some kids play on monkey bars, others on the roof. No big deal, really.

"Yuffie! Get down!" Tifa ordered once more.

"No!" Yuffie made her point by sticking out her tongue. "It's fun!"

"YUFFIE!"

"NO!"

"On the ground!"

"Make me!"

"Babe?"

Two pairs of eyes glanced at the male voice that interrupted the aerial argument. Ebony eyes looked down, while wine eyes gazed up. Reno leaned against his prized camerro; a bucket of thighs, breasts, and wings tucked under his arm. His own green orbs glanced back and forth between the two females. One being a three-year-old ninja and the other, his sexy lady.

"Turkey boy!" Yuffie waved excitedly.

"Ya know, it's too bad you're on the roof." Reno held up the bucket of fried chocobo, watching with amusement as the little ninja's eyes glazed over at the promise of lunch. "Only people on the ground get to eat."

She dug her toe into the shingles and smiled shyly. "Do you have shiny materia?"

"Eat a good lunch and you can play with the shiny materia," Tifa answered, catching on to Reno's plan.

Yuffie whooped a victorious cheer as she bounded off the rooftop, landing squarely on terra firma. However, as much as she was an actual talented stealth fighter, she was also an utter klutz. No sooner had her little feet touched the sidewalk, her legs buckled and she went over. A tiny droplet of blood on her knee made it's appearance along with loud tears.

Tifa beelined toward the child. "No, it's okay, Yuffie," she comforted while ushering the girl inside. "It's just a tiny scrape."

Reno placed the bucket of chocobo on the bar, before reaching down to pick up Yuffie and setting her on the bartop next to their lunch. "You wanna band-aid?" he asked.

"Yeah," she sniffled. "Can I have shiny one?"

Tifa watched with pleasant surprise as Reno took the role of "daddy-making-it-better" rather well. The street fighter handed the Turk a tube of neosporin and Mideel brand band-aid. Reno was all-out handsome, owned a steady job, made good money, and was suprisingly good with kids. Jackpot! Talk about a catch!

As the brunette walked into the kitchen to get plates and utensils, Yuffie rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand. Seeing the miniscule amount of blood on her knee all of a sudden spawned a question. "Reno?" she asked.

"What, Yuffs?" He helped her down from the bar and led her to the table.

"Why do they call Vin-Vin emo?"

Tifa chuckled as she gave the hungry girl a plate of two chocobo wings and mashed potatoes. Reno shook his head and reached for a breast--the chocobo's. "Vincent's not emo," the Turk corrected. "Cloud is emo."

"That's right," Tifa agreed, taking a seat next to her not-yet lover. "Vincent is just goth."

"Oooooh," Yuffie nodded. "Okay."

Lunch was fairly uneventful. Well, Reno taught Yuffie how shoot the straw wrappers across the table, but since it wasn't food that was being thown, Tifa decided to tolerate it. After cleaning up the leftovers, both babysitters kept their word and showed the little shinobi numerous orbs of shiny materia. She especially liked the red spheres that contained summon monsters. With all the excitement and fun of having a Turk and Avalanche fighter as babysitters, it wasn't long before sleepiness reared it's annoying head. Several yawns later and Tifa was tucking a blanket around the shinobi, realizing that the materia they used on her would be wearing off pretty quickly.

* * *

When Yuffie finally did awaken, the first thing she noticed was a laptop sitting on the coffee table. The second thing she noticed was her twenty-year-old back in it's rightful form. The third thing was something she didn't like. A blackmail note sitting on top of said laptop.

"Oh, shit!" Yuffie exclaimed, as the threat in the note made itself clear. She hastily logged on to her ITube account to take down her video of Tifa jacking off.

How was a kickass ninja supposed to know that the barmaid had video cameras all over her bar? Vincent DID NOT need to know that Yuffie called him "pretty".

* * *

**Mystic: Sorry if that last part seemed rushed. This chapter grew too long before I realized it. As for Reno and Tifa's first time ... I'll write that later. If I get some good feedback. (wink wink)**


	15. Bumping Rumps

Mystic: This idea came from my husband, believe it or not. And since my beta BloodyChaosDragonKnight happens to be a yaoi fangirl, I decided to run with it. Don't expect details though. I'm not going there! And you guys do understand that I own nothing right? Yep, I'm cutting corners. Author's note and disclaimer in one!

* * *

It wasn't often that Reno Forester arrived home before his wife did. Seventh Heaven typically didn't open until late in the evening so Tifa was usually at their apartment when he clocked out of Shinra HQ. Today was grocery day however, and the sexy fighter was getting all the typical pantry staples. Canned tuna (giggity), tomato sauce, artichoke hearts, cream and condensed soups. All that yummy stuff that fueled Tifa's amazing culinary skills.

Luckily, they kept a very active lifestyle (giggity). Weight gain was a nonexistent issue.

So, the apartment was empty; perfect chance for a new husband to relax and unwind with the brand new big-screen television. HD fucking rocked! Analog was soooooo last year.

Just as Reno reacquainted his behind with the comfortable couch, an un-polite knock interrupted his mantime.

No, not that mantime.

"Son of a bitch," the Turk mumbled as he walked to the front door. Unless it was his sexy brunette spouse, he really wasn't interested. Opening the door, emerald eyes widened to the white clouds that hovered in the sky.

Gee, ironic train of thought there. "CLOUD?!" Reno exclaimed in noticeable shock.

Gaia's spikey-haired hero reached up and scratched the back of his head. "Hey, Reno. Is Tifa around?"

After Reno's eyebrows returned to their normal position, the Turk leaned against the door frame, arms crossed to prevent any injury to emo-kid. "No, MY wife is at the grocery store," he stated with a glare. "And before you ask, yes, she's happy. No, I'm not hurting her. No, I'm not playing with her emotions. And yes, we're going at it like fucking rabbits."

Honestly, that last statement wasn't really needed. The infamous carrot-top just liked to brag that he had the rights to shag Edge's infamous barmaid.

Marriage was awesome.

Cloud quickly shook his head. "That's not what I'm here about, Reno." A heavy sigh escaped the blond. "Can I come in?"

Something seemed really odd about Mr. Emo for some reason. Sure, he looked normal for once--oh, that's why! Cloud looked normal and not depressed! Did Ifrit's Hellfire freeze over or something?

With a casual shrug, Reno stepped aside. "Sure. I guess."

Talk about awkward silence. Both men avoided eye contact and any conversation for several minutes. Blue mako eyes gazed around the homey apartment. "Nice place," Cloud finally said.

"Uh … thanks," Reno nodded. "Tifa's quite the decorator." Gee, this was really, really weird. Hm, what was that shiny thing on Cloud's wrist?

"It's a Rolex," Spikey admitted. "One of my … clients gave it to me."

"Damn, must've been quite a package."

Holy shit, Cloud blushed. Yeah, the boy was bit messed up in the head sometimes, but blushing was something he never did.

"Yeah, Rufus is surprisingly generous."

Wha--what? What?!

Reno grabbed Cloud's wrist, hoping that no scars from him cutting himself would break open. "The Prez gave you that? Shit, man, what gives?"

The former emo used his free hand to scratch his head again. "That's what I wanted to talk to Tifa about."

"Dude, what else has Rufus been giving you?" Reno asked, dropping Cloud's wrist. It's not that the watch wasn't interesting, it just that his hand was too close to another guy's. Kinda gay …

"That's why I want to talk to Tifa."

Speak of that beautiful, seductive angel …

"Hi, honey!" Tifa walked through the front door and reached forward to greet her husband with a cheek kiss. The fighter was oblivious to her former friend's presence thanks to the grocery bags blocking her view. "Got the ingredients to make those brownies you like."

Reno's mouth started to water as he watched his wife saunter to the bar. "The ones with the oatmeal crust?" At her nod, the red-head smiled a toothy grin. "Sweet. By the way, babe, we got company."

"Hm?" Tifa turned head toward the man beside her husband. A man who waved more shyly than a grown man should. "Cloud? What are you doing here?"

"Uh … I met someone?" her old ally shrugged.

The Turk in the room went wide-eyed. Why? For many reasons's actually. One, Cloud met somebody. Meaning, the delivery boy got over Tifa. That was a good thing, except other details were beginning to piece together. Gears of naive yet romantic hints started winding around in a head covered by fiery hair. Rufus gave chocobo-head a rolex watch. An expensive rolex watch. Cloud said that the prez was very generous. Reno also knew that whenever anal Rufus needed a package delivered, he always requested Mr. Strife.

And why did the anal president have lots of private meetings with the former Avalanche leader … ?

Tifa stalked over to the blond man, a look of utter shock mixed with minute hatred shining in her wine-hued orbs. "Do you own that brand-new convertible outside?"

At Cloud's shallow nod, Reno decided to take the opportunity to take several steps backward. "Did Rufus give you the car too?" the fiery-Turk asked, his voice wavering. Yeah, back away from the blond spikes. It's getting a little uncomfortable in here.

Cloud nodded again, his face changing to hue almost the color of Reno's hair. "Yeah …"

"Dude! Are you and Rufus gay?!"

Tifa's jaw went slack, nearly matching the way her own eyes widened to the ceiling. Not sooner than ten milliseconds later, the sable-locked fighter's expression of shock turned to anger. "Cloud! You jerk!" Her hand made contact with his arm in a painful whack. "You nag and bitch about me falling for Reno, when you've been bumping rumps with Shinra's President!" Whack, whack, whack, whack.

Don't laugh, Reno. Just don't laugh. Talk about easier said than done. Tifa's husband had to cover his mouth with his hand to prevent a heart healthy chuckle from escaping. All the pieces to the homosexual puzzle just fit together. The gifts, the Rufus, the endless private meetings. Oh, strong Bahamut, this was too good! Cloud's new lover was Rufus! RUFUS!

Fifty gil says spikey is on the receiving end.

Tifa simply continued her abuse. "You hypocrite!" she yelled. "You stupid, emo hypocrite!" Each word was reward by another whack to his arm or chest.

"Teef, I'm sorry--" he tried to say.

"Sorry won't cut it, Cloud!" she interrupted. "You, Barret, and Cid gave me fucking hell for hooking up with Reno!" The whacks were gone, but they were replaced by shrill shrieks. "Rufus himself questioned Reno when we got together. What. The. HELL?!"

Her husband wisely decided to stay out of this. It was funny when her anger was directed at someone else. He decided to be good boy and put the groceries away.

"Teef," Cloud started again.

"No! I don't want to hear how you're Rufus' boy toy." Tifa dropped her head into her palms. "Oh, I lost my virginity to a gay man!"

Thunk! A boxed cake mix dropped to the floor. "You lost it to him?!" Reno questioned, not sure whether to laugh or cry.

"Who did you think I would lose it to?" Tifa asked back.

Cloud should have kept his mouth shut. "Tifa, that night was very special to me …"

"LIAR!"

Okay, time for the husband to step in and remedy the situation. Considering that Reno was the husband, it was going to be by unconventional means. Tifa found herself swept off the floor and into her man's warm arms.

"Okay," Reno spoke while embracing his wife bridal style, "I'm going to take my sexy wife upstairs and fuck her senseless to reaffirm her sensuality." Tifa blushed profusely at that. She really needed to feel desirable right now.

Seriously, knowing that one's first partner was now a homosexual did nothing to help an ego.

This was chocobo-head's last shot to make his surprise visit mean something. "Tifa, I know you're happy with Reno," Cloud said with a forlorn expression. "I'm sorry for causing you trouble. Now, we both have someone special."

Hm … laugh, cry, or hurl? Oh! How about take beautiful woman upstairs and ravish her the rest of the day like nothing ever happened? Perfect plan!

"Thanks Cloud." Tifa gave a small grin before planting a deep kiss to her husband's lips.

"Bye, Strife," Reno said, kicking the door closed with his foot.

Neither individual even gave a passing glance to the door once Reno's green orbs narrowed to a sultry glare. To be honest, having his wife's ex-lover be gay was a good thing. The fiery assassin no longer had to worry that Cloud would try to win her back!

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Mystic: Go ahead and say it. My sexy spouse is twisted for giving me this idea. Much thanks to Chaos for beta-ing. Review kindly guys. You know how it makes me feel ...


	16. Inactive Sperm or Surrogate

**Disclaimer: Mystic owns jack squat. However, since the pregnancy ideas are based on my own experience, I will hunt you down if this is wrongly duplicated. I'm a southerner so hunting comes naturally. Yee-haw!**

_Mystic: Okay, so the next several chapters are going to be somewhat of a mini-series. Each chapter is going to be a month of Tifa's pregnancy. We all know she got knocked up on her and Reno's wedding anniversary, and in chapter two we meet their daughter Rachel. Well, let's see how Rachel was in utero._

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"Reno, pull over."

Emerald eyes shifted to the sickly woman in his passenger seat. After the home pregnancy test yielded a positive result, Tifa quickly made an appointment with the local ob/gyn. Now, three days later, the parents-to-be were on their way to the doctor's office. Unfortunately, the curvy and uphill roads didn't help Tifa's already queasy stomach.

"We're almost there, babe," Reno reassured. He patted her knee for good measure.

His wife swallowed once, placing one slender hand over her mouth. "Re, I can't make it that far." Stomach bile began to creep into her throat.

Considering that Reno did not want vomit all over his leather upholstery, he wisely obeyed and pulled the car to the side of the road. No sooner had he done so, his expecting spouse unbuckled and leaped out of the vehicle. Her afternoon snack of plain yogurt paired with tart cranberry juice was making a lovely second appearance on the black tar. Sadly, her husband was unaware of her snack choices. When the Turk saw the red liquid, only one thought came to mind.

"Shit!" he exclaimed, running to his wife's side. "You're spewing blood!" Okay, they only a few miles from the hospital. Everything will be okay. An ultrasound will prove that the baby's fine and an IV will make Tifa all better--

The fighter looked up with a tired glance. "No," she corrected. "It's just juice."

"Oh." Reno breathed a sigh of relief as he pulled her against his warm chest. "Think you can handle the rest of the way? We're only five minutes from there."

"Yeah," she nodded, brushing a lock of her sable hair away from her flushed face. "Just drive slow please."

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There was one thing Reno could never understand about the world of obstetrics. Well, there was a lot he didn't understand, but was another story. The main thing though was why a doctor who looked at vaginas all day needed to ask so many damn questions. Tifa spent the first fifteen minutes of her appointment filling out three sheets of paper, both front and back, of the stupidest things. He could understand the questions about her family history and uh … monthly cycle (shudder), but what was the point asking HIS family illnesses?

What role did sperm play other than determining X or Y?

Genetics was not something Turks needed to know.

Shit, a cigarette would be great right now, but he was in an examining room where smoking was not permitted. That, and he was trying to cut back for his kid's sake. Mako may protect him from the negative side effects of nicotine, but medical science had yet to prove the effects of second-hand Mako exposure.

The exam itself was fairly mundane. No internal examination was needed since Tifa's previous pap four months ago came back normal. A breast exam wasn't required either, much to Reno's dismay. He wouldn't mind one bit if the young female nurse practitioner decided to feel up his wife. It was only in name of good health.

Really, that was totally the only reason.

However, it seemed that the first visit was strictly to confirm the pregnancy and Tifa's overall good health. The barmaid was indeed right at five weeks pregnant., which was cool because that meant conception took place on their sex-filled anniversary. Morning sickness was also a terrible misonomer since it seemed to strike the young wife whenever it damn well pleased. Luckily, Terry (the young female nurse) recommended small meals throughout the day to lessen the severity of it. If need be, a prescription for a safe antacid could be given.

Naturally, that led to a short speech about which over-the-counter medications were safe for the duration of gestation. It was at that point that Reno was glad Tifa brought a pen and paper to write this all down. The fiery Turk possessed not one clue about human pregnancy. Well, he knew what caused preggers, but that was about it. He did not know however, that certain types of fish were off-limits or that there was such a thing called Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. Being that his wife's job demanded that she be on her feet most of the day, it might be wise to cut back on her hours starting in the final trimester. No big whoop there. Killing people for a living and guarding a homosexual president easily covered their expenses, plus some.

Sex was still okay, too. The only restriction there was to listen to Tifa's body and not be too rough or wild. Okay, they could handle that. Not to say that it would be easy, but gentle lovemaking was a much better alternative to abstinence. That would suck and who knew orgasms were actually good for the unborn kid? Freakin' sweet …

So, all in all, the fiery assassin was looking forward to having a knocked-up wife. Even if that meant no long distance travel after the sixth month. Costa del Sol would just have to wait.

Yet, there was one thing Reno knew for a fact. It didn't matter what the circumstances were or what he was doing, but leading a normal life was completely out of the question. When a senior Turk marries a member of Avalanche, the media has a fuckin' field day. No sooner had he and Tifa left the medical building, then press and paparazzi bombarded the two with questions (coughaccusationscough) galore.

"Mr. Forester, are you and Tifa really having a surrogate baby for President Rufus and Mr. Strife?"

"Will the fetus be affected by Mako?"

"Was the child conceived through in-vitro due to inactive sperm?"

The hell?! Vermillion eyes gave a noticeable roll while emerald eyes glared significantly. Tifa hated these leeches and always let her husband deal with them. Of course, that tended to fuel the rumor that Reno was a controlling spouse, but at the moment, the fighter really didn't feel like correcting anybody. Her head was pounding thanks to a fetus-induced migraine and her stomach was growling like a lion ready to jump pesky reporters.

Just because she didn't feel like arguing doesn't mean her mind couldn't think of ways to torture the bastards.

Rufus' badass Turk raised his hands to silence the many questions, albeit briefly. "Okay, yes we're having a baby. Yes, the bun in the oven is mine 'cuz the Mako made my beasties more potent, thank you. No, the kid is not going to the prez and his boy toy and yes, it's safe to do it while knocked up." He grabbed Tifa's hand and the couple rushed out to the car. "Thanks for your time!" Reno yelled as he drove away.

Sable hair slowly shook from side to side. "Reno, you know they're not going to listen to any of what you said."

"Who the fuck cares?" Reno answered with a shrug. "Most of them thought our marriage was a forced arrangement so I would have a mother for all my illegitimate bastard children."

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Mystic: Yeah, I drank red kool-aid and my husband freaked out. That's always fun. Thanks to Chaos for beta-ing. Review kindly so this baby will reach triple digits. By far, this fic is becoming my most popular and I have you readers to thank as well. Peace, y'all!


	17. Coffee Dedication

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. I really don't.**

_Mystic: Month Two! This one is kinda Reno-centric, but I did so for a reason. _

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Life is friggin sweet, Reno thought to himself as he sauntered to the break room in Shinra HQ. The fiery assassin was the proud husband of a sexy, gorgeous bartender (who could also kick serious ass), owned a brand-spankin' new house, and fathered a child with the aforementioned sexy, gorgeous bartender. Finally, it seemed like the heavenly bodies were aligning in his favor. No more unethical assassinations that caused him to drown himself in alcohol, no more people telling him to "stick to his own kind", and he was going to be a father.

Yes, he thought of that twice, but it was only because that cool fact excited him the most. The new house they bought was nothing compared to impending fatherhood. His wife was having a baby. Tifa was going to give life to a tiny human that part her and part him. That still astounded him and he finally understood why pregnancy and childbirth were considered miracles. At twenty-five days gestation, the heart starts to beat. Twenty-five days! A clump of cells suddenly starts to beat with human rhythm. Mere seconds after conception, the child's height, gender, hair and eye color are all determined. Reno could see why so-called fanatics marched every year to protect what they called, "The Sanctity of Life". Maybe they weren't so fanatical afterall. The Turk could easily understand their way of thinking now.

Who knows? Maybe he'll march with them next year.

Wondrous scents of coffee, sugar, and pale cream wafted around him as he entered the break room. Tifa couldn't handle even the thought of the brown caffeinated goodness anymore, so Reno chose to be a caring spouse and drink his morning cup of joe at work. That was much more tolerable than seeing her embrace the porcelain throne. He wanted her first pregnancy to be comfortable, not exorcist-quality. She missed her own cup of coffee though, so the redhead decided to be extra-caring and dedicate his first cup to his sexy lady.

"This is for you, babe." Reno lifted the mug to his lips and took a satisfying sip. "Ah," he sighed. "That's good."

It helped too that he brought his favorite mug from home with him. The one with a bikini-clad chick that becomes a naked chick with a temperature change. Another good way to start the day!

Rufus walked in while his carrot-topped bodyguard was savoring his second sip. A local tabloid paper was tucked underneath his arm. "Reno," he spoke with his trademark authority. "Just the Turk I was looking for."

"Sup, sir?" Reno asked with a toothy grin.

Instead of answering with words, the young president tossed the lesser newspaper onto the small table. With a curious stare, the Senior Turk picked up the paper and read the bold headline.

Really, curiosity was such a horrible bitch.

"Senior Turk Reno to Give Firstborn Child--" Deadly fingers slammed the tabloid back down. "Son of a--" Reno almost cursed. "Sir, this is a supermarket rag. You can't trust what's in them."

"I understand, Mr. Forester," Rufus explained while casually chucking the lying piece of papyrus into the trash. "What offends me is that you have not told me that your wife was expecting."

Reno couldn't tell if his main boss was upset at him or not. "She was wanting to wait until the threat of miscarriage had passed."

"You're both very healthy, Reno," the leader countered. "I truly don't think Tifa has much to worry about."

Reno sighed and took another much needed swig of the brown goodness. "I'm sorry, sir."

"I never said I was upset, just offended," Rufus assured. "You are one of my trusted bodyguards; a bit … unconventional at times, but trusted still."

"I do what I can," Reno shrugged.

The blond president pushed back a chair to sit down and motioned for the redhead to do the same. As Reno did so, Rufus cleared his throat and leaned forward with his elbows on the circular table. "Being a Senior Turk, you do realize that you are entitled to twelve weeks paid vacation when your child is born."

Green orbs nearly popped out of a flame-covered skull. "You serious?" Reno shrieked, almost dropping his precious coffee mug. "I'll get like three months to be at home with my kid?"

"That's right," his superior nodded.

"Dude, that rocks!" A toothy grin beamed from the father-to-be. "Thanks prez. Hey, you know what? Teef and I are hosting a dinner party a few weeks from now to officially announce the bun in her oven."

"Oh?" the young leader questioned with a slight tilt of his head.

"Would you and Cloud like to be there?"

Well, the stoic and homosexual president wasn't expecting that. Most of his dinner plans and luncheons were with the other Shinra higher-ups or stuffy business clients. Very few of those involved friendly circumstances such as now. "I would be honored."

"Great!" Reno finished the rest of his coffee and stood with a flourish. "I'll see ya there, sir."

Of course, now the fiery bodyguard faced a dilemma. He was already cutting back on the cancer sticks, which was good. But, he realized something as he sauntered down the hall to his office. How in Gaia was he going to tell Tifa that Cloud and Rufus Shinra were attending the dinner party?

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**Mystic: Does anybody actually own that type of coffee mug? I've seen pens that do that ... Never mind. You know that kind reviews make me happy.**


	18. Ultrasound

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. That sometimes makes me sad.**

**Mystic: Month three of Tifa's pregnancy. Time for the first sonogram ... Thank you Chaos for beta-ing again! Love ya girl!**

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Tifa lay on the examining table with a nervous smile on her young face. Reno stood beside her and interlaced his fingers with hers. Today was ultrasound day, and it wasn't those old-fashioned black-and-white 2-D pictures. Nope, this was a new Shinra, which meant that proper medical care and technology was available to all citizens. Universal health care gave everyone, to the top-level employees to the poorest street merchant, state-of-the-art medicine. Reno and Tifa were going to meet their unborn child via the newer 3-D ultrasound.

Both parents knew that since this only the end of the first trimester, certain parts of the baby that gave away it's gender wouldn't be formed yet, but they didn't care. They were just excited to see what they created together. Reno already pegged a bet that the kid's hair was going to be red like his.

"Dominant gene, Teef," he said with a cocky grin. "I've got the dominant DNA."

"Oh, really?" she asked, her eyebrows raised with disbelief.

"Duh, I'm always the dominant one."

"Jeez, Reno. Not in front of the doctor!"

Doctor Killue fought a chuckle as he warmed the transducer and turned down the lights. He was the main ob/gyn of Shinra's medical centers, considering his expertise and years of experience, but he was a very shy man. He had a terrible habit of speaking into his clipboard and mumbling over certain words to describe the female … anatomy. Reno had to question why a shy man would want to job that required looking at vaginas for the majority of the day.

"Okay, I uh … warmed the gel up so, it shouldn't be cold on you," Doctor Killue mumbled, his head dropped almost to his coat.

Tifa wanted to laugh, she really did, but was distracted by the image of a baby on a television screen. Her baby. Hers and Reno's. Oh, wow … "Reno, that's our--"

"I know, babe." He squeezed her hand and blinked back tears. Turks were not supposed cry. Ever. "That's our kid."

The doctor moved the transducer over Tifa's still relatively flat abdomen. "Your baby is only three inches in length right now. There's the umbilical cord--"

"What's that fleshy, looking thing?" Reno asked as he pointed to the screen.

Killue gave a small smile. "That would be the placenta."

"And that blinking thing?"

"Your baby's heartbeat."

" … Cool."

Tifa just stared, completely speechless. This tiny little bundle was hers and Reno's to protect and cherish. Yes, it was going to be her that would nourish this new life for another six months or so, but every little pain and headache have been very worth it to have a healthy fetus. There were no qualms over using that medical term. Afterall, it meant "little one". And Tifa was going to do everything in her power to give this little one love and a happy childhood.

Red hair or otherwise.

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**Mystic: Aren't these ultrasounds just cool? Review! I got my Reno/Tifa muse back! **


	19. Ramen Noodles

**Disclaimer: Yeah, I own jack squat.**

_Mystic: I live! This pairing lives! As some of you may know, my father recently went through triple bypass surgery and my happy fairy disappeared for awhile. However, I seem to have gotten somewhat of a muse back. So, this chapter is inspired by a recent conversation between myself and RenzokukenZ. He also beta-read this chapter, by the way. I'm sorry, Chaos. I'll send the next chapter your way, promise!_

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By the middle of Tifa's fourth month, Reno had determined that their spawn was going to be a gourmet chef or something. Tifa hadn't done anything but cook for the past several weeks. Their refrigerator was filled with the leftovers of casseroles, cookies, sandwich fillings, and even cheesecake. Whatever craving her hormones sparked, she would make herself. It didn't even matter what time of day it was either. Numerous times, the redhead would stumble into their kitchen at some Ifrit-awful time of night to see his "number one babe" stirring a concoction at the stove. Overall, it wasn't too bad. She had yet to make a meal truly outrageous or weird. Reno was always the good husband and joined her at the table to nosh what she cooked. He would stroke the growing pouch that was her tummy before leading her back into the bedroom to work off what they ate.

He had to admit. Pregnancy sex equaled adventurous sex. Her belly was getting so … adorable.

Tonight's cooking charade though, really forced the assassin into doubt. Once more, Tifa was standing cutely by the stove, her softer and rounder stomach proudly displayed by the black sports bra and loose-fitting shorts. The clock above the microwave read two-fifty-four in the morning, and the pregnant barmaid was scooping what looked like noodles out of a casserole dish.

"What's cookin', good-lookin'?" His lips fluttered against her cheek in a quick peck.

"It's an experiment," she answered with a smile.

Long fingers ran through tangled ruby locks in tired confusion. "With ramen noodles?"

"Mixed with Velveeta cheese, cream of mushroom soup, cooked kielbasa, and shredded cheddar cheese."

His confusion changed into piqued interest. "Let me try some."

Twenty minutes later, two empty plates sat on the hardwood floors while the satisfied couple sprawled on the comfy couch. Tifa rested her back against her husband's lean chest, relaxing with a sigh as his warm palms caressed her abdomen. "That was good, babe," he complimented. "I'm sure my carrot-topped spawn liked it just fine."

She laced her fingers with his so both of their hands rested on their child's current home. "Better than the way you used to make ramen?" she asked with a giggle.

"Hey, now, " Reno defended, "don't dis the bachelor's way of cooking."

"And what was your way of cooking instant noodles?"

"Stir in three handfuls of shredded cheese and whappa!"

Sable hair shook wildly in laughter. "Oh, Reno," she muttered, turning to give him a full kiss on his lips. "Okay, I'll try it that way next time."

"Don't forget the kielbasa, yo. I know how much you like sausage."

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Mystic: Short little chapter, but I enjoyed it just the same. Thank you, RenzokukenZ for locating the happy fairy. It's appreciated. Now, readers? I do appreciate reviews as well.


	20. Sweet Dreams are Made of This

**Disclaimer: Uh ... yeah. I don't own the characters, this idea though -- (get cut off by writing persona) **

**Mystical Fairy Chick: (clamps hand over Mystic's mouth) Don't you dare! What I do in your subconcious is private, understand?**

**Mystic: (nods) **

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Not many people realized it, but pregnant women were the victims of some pretty fucked up dreams. The GCOG (Gaian College of Obstetrics and Gynecology) pointed the blame to an increase in estrogen levels and the new fears of taking care of an innocent life. Tifa attributed her screwy subconscious to the fact that she was carrying Reno spawn. Bahamut only knew what went on the in the recesses of the redhead's mind. Years of shady business assassinations and borderline alcoholism left Reno with a slightly psychotic, somewhat perverted mindset that most shrinks didn't want to analyze with ten-foot shock prod. Tifa knew for a fact that three professional psychoanalysts were forced into retirement after just one hour-long session with her husband.

Since Tifa was now five months into her pregnancy and the innocent life was half-Reno's, her brain was considerably tired, fried like chicken, and smothered with gravy. It was a really thick and creamy country gravy, topped with pepper and was very good with a side of butter biscuits. Oh, and perfect with a glass of sweet tea.

Ahem, back to the dreams.

Reno was still at headquarters at the moment, as Tseng tended to be more than anal about that dreaded bitch called paperwork. One little typo would send the Wutaiinese man straight into a tizzy. Unfortunately, Reno despised paperwork with a passion and tried every trick in the book to get out of it. Not today though; Tseng's stick was stuck extra-deep in his ass, which meant every Turk had to finish the mission reports or risk … punishment.

Rufus already pulled long hours --

Eh, let's not go there.

Tifa was alone in their apartment, stretched out on their couch, and let deserved sleep take over.

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Somebody please explain why in the dream world, she was not pregnant. That never made much sense to the brunette beauty. Nothing made a whole lot of sense right now though. Especially when Avalanche's top street fighter was surrounded by annoying teenagers wearing green afro wigs and toting paintball guns.

A PM7 paintball gun materialized into her deadly hands and by no control of her own, she raised the weapon and took aim at the nearest target. This event didn't have to make sense at all. What person in their right mind wouldn't like a chance to shoot up a bound and gagged Sephiroth?

Oh, yeah. The oh-so-dangerous silver-haired general was shirtless and tied to a wooden pole (Tifa barely suppressed an immature chuckle). A ball gag was shoved into his mouth to cover up the endless chants of "Mother Jenova … Mother Jenova …"

Die, you silver bitch! Die!

Peridot eyes widened in fear as the sounds of paint splatter echoed in the clear air. Cheers from the rebel paintballers resounded next when Sephiroth fell limp against the ropes, the ball gag slipping out of place. Hm, maybe the white paint was poisonous?

"Medic! Medic!" someone screamed from the sidelines. A quick glance to the sidelines revealed to Tifa that the someone was Loz. Big surprise. The little remanent was crying.

However, the strangest surprise was who the medic team turned out to be -- and what they were doing. A quite handsome doctor appeared on the field. He seemed to be of Costa del Solian descent, but modern hippie was a more accurate description the way his long hair was slicked back. His partner was female nurse from what sounded like Junon considering her accent. Now, the male doctor and female nurse was a typical stereotype of the medical world, but what they were doing was _not_ very normal. Dream world or otherwise.

He was chasing her around.

Still not convinced? Okay, the Costa del Solian doctor was chasing his nurse around with an RC car. That's right, one of those toy cars kids play with. And she was giggling.

Weird …

"Bad doctor," the nurse shrieked playfully. "We have a patient to attend to."

His response was to just as playfully slap her on the rear before examining the deceased. "I've come to a conclusion!" he finally announced.

"You came already?" his nurse asked with a giggle.

"Hardly, my sexy assistant. This fallen warrior with the freakish silver hair has died from a massive overdose of being completely covered in white, sticky goop."

" … And that's a bad thing?"

"Not _that_ white, sticky goop."

Tifa had to ponder why she hadn't awakened yet. Normally, the street fighter could recognize when she was dreaming thanks to a heightened mind trained by years on the battlefield. This night was a completely different situation. She knew she was dreaming, but something was preventing her from waking up to normalcy. What was it? Sure, seeing Sephiroth dead and humiliated once again probably had something to do with it, but that couldn't have been it.

Was it the perverted medical team? Interesting how the foreign doctor swung the Junon nurse up over his shoulder, most likely to carry her to Gaia-knows-where to do Shiva-knows-well.

Very strange, and very arousing.

Arousing?

It felt like someone was massaging Tifa with a special oil, at the moment. Oh, and it was _warm_ …

* * *

"Mm …" Tifa moaned into the hands that were currently smoothing over her lower back. She turned over on the couch and her vermillion eyes fluttered open to a sight of tousled red locks and a tired, yet cocky grin. "Reno …"

"I'm back, babe," he muttered with a small kiss to her forehead. "Nice dream?"

"What are you talking about?" Tifa sat up and leaned into her Turk, taking comfort in the familiar scent of tobacco.

He shrugged and wrapped his arm over her shoulder. "You were mumbling something about white, sticky goop."

Oh, good gracious. Of all the things she could have talked about … "Reno?"

"Yeah?"

"I am banning RC cars from our apartment."

"O … kay?" He wasn't quite sure what that meant and he was not about to ask. "Hey, I got you a surprise."

Tifa watched with a raised eyebrow as her sexy spouse reached into his jacket to reveal a small tub of whatever. "What is that?" she asked, highly suspicious naturally.

"It's body paint," he answered with a cheeky smile. "Vanilla flavored."

White, sticky goop.

**

* * *

**

Mystic: Okay, y'all better be thankful I posted this now, much to my personas horror. I'm leaving out to house-sit for my in-laws and won't be back until Monday. I posted this and now I'm late getting over there. So, farewell, thank you RenzokukenZ for looking this over in a hurry. I'll miss you guys!


	21. Blame the Ninja

**Disclaimer: Yeah, sure. I totally own these people. Notice the sarcasm, dear readers.**

_Mystic: Did you guys really think I was going to leave this pairing alone forever? Hardly! I bring you the sixth month of Tifa's pregnancy. Thank you Chaos, for your wonderful beta-ing skills. _

* * *

Reno was going to kill Yuffie Kisaragi.

He wanted to grab the idiot ninja by her skinny little neck and squeeze all the stupidity out of her. That meant he would choking for a good amount of time, but it would be worth the WRO's wrath for what Yuffie did to Tifa. The picture of her gasping for air was so clear in his mind that his concerned frown had transformed into a sadistic grin. His hands gripped the steering wheel so tightly that it seemed to give a warning for all the other drivers on the road.

Don't even think of cutting off _this_ Turk, you prick. Now is not the time.

Tifa lay in the passenger seat, a cool washcloth over her forehead and her stomach in dire shambles. She had an irking suspicion that Reno was overreacting about the whole situation, but frankly, was in no mood to argue with him. Yes, this whole scenario was mainly the result of Yuffie's mishap, but it could happen to just about anybody.

Not only a couple of hours ago, the lady-in-waiting decided to taste test a culinary creation that Yuffie brought over for the baby shower. The appetizers _looked_ delicious; a cream-cheese and a salsa combination that was wrapped in a tortilla and cut into bite-size pieces. It was simple enough for even a young child to make. However, the ninja in all her ADD glory, neglected the most important step of the quick recipe. Refrigeration.

Tifa detected the slight twang immediately upon the first bite, but gave the younger woman the benefit of the doubt and tried a few more pieces. Needless to say, in only a few short minutes, the soured cream cheese and salsa mixture made it's presence known to the barmaid. To anyone else, the blasted duo of vomiting and diarrhea would be no true cause for alarm, but for pregnant women, the opposite was true. Food poisoning was not to be taken lightly since it was not just the mother being invaded by bacteria, but the fetus as well.

Not a good thing.

Reno was quick to call their ob/gyn, but since it happened to be a Saturday, the office was closed. Luckily, the recording gave the name of a reputable clinic owned by a Family Practitioner and a Registered Nurse. Everything was going to be okay. Really, it was going to be okay.

… Or not.

No sooner had Reno pulled into the parking lot, did Tifa barrel out of the car and spew more contents out onto the pavement. The R.N was quick to rush out and usher the two inside. "You must be Mr. and Mrs. Forrester," she welcomed warmly. "My name is Harmony Miller. We've been expecting you. Come on in."

They didn't bother with the waiting room and immediately whisked the sick lady to an examining room. Once there, Nurse Harmony shamelessly handed Tifa a pee cup. "We gotta make sure you're not dehydrated, honey."

"Dehydrated?!"

Tifa cringed at her husband's outburst. "Please be quiet, Reno. My headache is bad enough as it is."

Damn, she waddled toward the bathroom with that little look that spoke of "sleeping" and "doghouse". He hated it when those two words were put together. It meant very bad and terrible things. Pregger sex was too much fun to not have!

"Fever?"

The nurse's voice jolted Reno from his nightmarish thoughts. "… what?"

"Has your wife been running a fever?"

"No, just the throw-ups and … uh, the opposite."

"Has the baby been moving okay since this has started?"

"I think so."

Harmony jotted down a few quick notes in her flashy, electronic notepad. All the new doctors had those things now. They were supposed to more accurate with a patient's information and much more likely for those lovely HMO's to find out were you've been going just so they can charge you extra. Bitches never seen the likes of Reno though; he was a Turk and professional killers get amazing health insurance with absolutely no co-pays.

Not that it mattered to the Costa del Solian doctor who ran the clinic. He was actually in the medical business to _help people._ Gasp! Here was a modern healer that wasn't after to steal your money. Simply amazing. Here was the kicker though; this kindhearted doctor was even anti-abortion! Double gasp!

"I can assure you, Mrs. Forrester, I have never chased my nurse around with an RC car."

That line however, was not the usual doctor jargon. Both sexy nurse and distraught husband turned to the door with looks of noticeable confusion as the exotic family practitioner led in the very tired expecting lady.

"Are you absolutely sure?" Tifa questioned as she reclined on the examining table. "You were chasing her and then you carried her off --"

A stolen glance was quick to appear between Harmony, CRNP, and Luis, MD. Reno knew that look immediately. Something very horizontal was going on with the medical pair. That sexual suspicion was confirmed when Harmony sauntered up to Luis and coyly handed him Tifa's electronic chart.

"There's an idea for Saturday night," she smirked, only to be rewarded by a firm slap on her rear.

"I'll bring the car," he teased. "Now go get daddy the ultrasound machine."

When the lovestruck doctor turned to face his sick patient, he was met with a two pairs of very, very wide eyes. Surely Tifa didn't have a premonition about this medical team. Pregnancy dreams couldn't be _that_ fucked up.

With a gentle sweep of his arm, Luis lead Tifa to the examining table so she could recline in a comfortable manner. He decided to ignore their shocked expressions as he brought out his stethoscope. "Could you lift your shirt up, ma'am?"

Reno raised an eyebrow. "Keep those hands innocent, doc'."

"Only Ms. Harmony gets to enjoy these hands, sir," Luis assured as he pressed the stethoscope gently to Tifa's swollen abdomen. "The heartbeat sounds good." He slung the device around his neck and started to lightly feel around her belly. "The baby seems healthy from this side of the womb. What exactly was it that you ate, Mrs. Forrester?"

"These tortilla wrap things from Hell."

"Who made them? Not your husband I hope."

Reno was really quite tired at this point, so instead of whipping out his EMR of Pain to fry the doc' for his insult, he decided to just glare instead. It was one, frustrated glare too. Very intimidating.

Tifa thought it best not even to laugh. "It was one of my friends. Yuffie Kisaragi," she corrected.

"Oh, dear Ifrit," Luis groaned, brushing his long hair off his forehead. "A word to the wise, ma'am. Never eat anything by that little ninja. Both Mr. Valentine and Mr. Tuesti were in my care a few days ago because of some vile concoction she created."

Well, that explained why Reeve and Vincent were no-shows at the last company meeting.

"You're not dehydrated," Luis went on to explain, "so I don't think you ate enough for any real concern to be warranted. However, I want an ultrasound performed just to be safe."

"Right here, babe." Harmony wheeled in a sonogram machine and placed it next to Tifa so she and Reno could see the screen. Within minutes, the expecting parents stared at the gray-ish image of a healthy, baby girl.

Girl?

Wait, what?

"Is that …?" Reno wasn't quite sure if his eyes were messed up or the image was still too blurry. "My kid's a girl?"

The nurse nodded and moved the transducer along Tifa's stomach to obtain a clearer angle. "She looks just fine. No worse for the wear."

Any nausea that Tifa still felt was replaced by awe. "Reno, she's beautiful."

"Heh, she ain't dating until she's thirty!"

**

* * *

**

Mystic: So much for a long writing hiatus. Oh, well. Blame that little writing bug we all love so much.


	22. Unlucky Seven

**Disclaimer: All characters and places belong to SquareEnix. **

_Mystic: I'm baaaaaackkk... I bring you month seven of Tifa's pregnancy. Oh, and you might wanna read my oneshot, Betrayal of the Heart first. It ties into this like whoa. I blame Loreena McKennit. *head/desk*_

* * *

As Tifa's pregnancy entered it's final trimester, it seemed that Reno bore more and more of the same symptoms; the famous and often feared 'sympathy pains'. In the seventh month alone, he had suffered sleepless nights, devoured an entire pint of ice cream, and even fell victim to pregnancy forgetfulness. It was well-documented that a lady in circumstances became a bit scatterbrained as her belly grew, but the lack of brain cells in her baby's father was usually ignored. Expectant dads were highly stressed; wondering how they could support their wife, a new child, and then raise said child in a world where the window of innocence was unfortunately shrinking.

Any child of Reno's would be lucky to have a window that wasn't locked and boarded up with plywood.

Since his own worries tended to interfere with his work, it left Tifa to pick up the slack. He forgot a few important files on the countertop one morning, which meant his achy and tired wife had to bundle up and drive to the new headquarters on day when she would have much preferred to sit at home with her feet propped up. Next time, she'd let him get in trouble with the uppity-ups.

Of course, one of the main uppity-ups hadn't really been himself lately. Maybe it because he was still recovering from nasty bout of food poisoning, but Reeve Tuesti had been unusually quiet recently. He could be seen at his desk most days, but his dark eyes lacked their usual playfulness. Even Cait Sith noticed the change and he was nothing more that circuits and wires.

Tifa dropped the manilla folder on her husband's desk. "This is the last time, Reno. I swear."

He kicked his feet off the mahagany and grinned. "Thanks babe. You're the best."

"Next time, I'll let you get in trouble by your superiors."

"Go for it," he shrugged. "I can't wait for you to have our kid, so can I get a leave of absence. Ever since the brat and the vampire called off their wedding, things have been weird over here. Why do you think I try to come home early all the time?"

Tifa sighed. "I know, Reno. Yuffie called a few days ago, remember?"

And any outburst of Yuffie's could easily put the mood swings of an expectant woman's to shame.

"Look, I need a break, Teef." Reno stood and gave her a soft kiss. "Wanna go to lunch?"

"Alright."

They didn't get very far. As the pair rounded the corner toward the main elevators, they happened upon a loud, almost violent argument.

"You can't just walk away, Yuffie!"

"You're right," she snapped. "That's why I'm running away. _Flying_, actually. I'm flying back to Wutai and there's nothing you can do to stop me, Reeve!"

He held her by her shoulders, desperate to prevent her sudden decision, but failing miserably. "I very well can, Yuffie. You have a job here where you're needed."

"My old man needs me more!" She struggled against his strong grip, breaking free with a harsh grunt and shoving him backward. "He's not exactly young like he used to be. Wutai needs their White Rose and I'm taking the throne like I'm supposed to."

"Since when did you ever do what you were supposed to?!"

She slapped him, harsh enough to leave a mark on his face and an even worse mark on his reputation. Other employees stuck their heads out of the many offices, shocked to see todays daily drama escalate to physical violence. They couldn't look away, even if the carnage was worse than a summoning of Bahamut SIN. Frankly, the dragon king's fury was tame compared to right now.

Reno was about to lead Tifa away from what could very well become a gory crime scene when a familiar red rounded the same turn. Oh, shit; now Vincent was going to get involved. Suddenly, re-opening Seventh Heaven didn't seem like such a bad idea. Mixing drinks and throwing out drunks was preferable than dealing with _this_ on a regular basis.

A recognizable stream of liquid slid down Yuffie's face. "What about when I picked you up from the hospital, Reeve? Or what happened afterward?" Her voice broke and she choked back a sob. "What about when I left your apartment hours later feeling so much better and worse at the same damn time?!"

"Yuffie ..." He fought the urge to grab her again, thinking it would only lead to more problems. Not here in front of everybody; not here in front of a very angry Vincent whose stony glare could strike fear into Ifrit himself.

"NO!" She backed away and continued her rant. "I'm going back to Wutai and I'm taking my rightful place on the throne. Life can continue here without me."

"Dammit, Yuffie!" Reeve growled and took off after her, each step a bit closer to emotional trauma and hurtful slanderings. "Life can't go on without you. _This_ cannot go on without you." He did grab her again; this time by her arm and no matter how hard she struggled or how cruel she stared at him, he refused to let her go. Yuffie wouldn't go anywhere, because he wouldn't let her. "We are already in talks with Wutai about a future alliance. You cannot rid yourself of us; of me."

Tifa's well-trained eyes noticed a slight break in her friends tear-stained face. Yuffie no longer looked like the immature girl who obsessed over materia or cooked so horribly as to send everyone she cared about to the emergency room. Now she looked like a woman scorned; heartbroken and alone.

Reno was the next to see it; the tilt of the ninja's eyes to what looked like the floor, a sure sign of defeat. He heard her swallow and force her eyes to match those that belonged to an equally heartbroken man. "You're right again, Reeve," she whispered, "and that's why I have to leave. If you do ever travel to Wutai, for whatever reason, don't ask any questions. Ignore what you see, ignore what you hear. It's better that way."

She slipped her arm from his grasp and wiped the tears from her face. Reeve didn't have anything to say.

Vincent broke the deafening silence with a curt, "Yuffie. You can't just leave."

She didn't look up at her former betrothed. "I hurt you enough, Vinnie."

"Yuffie!" It was Tifa; mouth turned down and eyes soft with concern. "Don't completely abandon us, okay? My daughter needs a godmother."

Yuffie didn't smile, but managed to nod her head. "My letter of resignation is on Rufus' desk."

The ninja walked away; out of the hallway, out of the building, and out of their lives.

Reeve went back to his office; avoiding Vincent, avoiding questions, and making a point to forever avoid Wutai.

Vincent took to the shooting gallery; his fingers were twitchy and it was the only way to silence his demons, both new and old.

Reno and Tifa only glanced at one another; thankful to have what they did and saddened to have witness such a scene. The seventh month was supposed to bring joy, but so far, it only saw pain. They were the only ones who were happy and successful with love.

**

* * *

**

Mystic: Yes, I know what you're thinking. Must you resurrect old wounds, Mystic? Must you? Why, yes. Yes, I shall. Angst is fun.


	23. Leaky Headlights

**Disclaimer: All characters and places belong to SquareEnix. **

_Mystic: I almost didn't post this next chapter. The Reno/Tifa fandom has really disappointed me lately, and that's a subject I could rant about from here to high water. To clarify, AiL is not meant to be canon with Advent Children or Dirge of Cerberus. So, here's the eighth month of Tifa's pregnancy. _

* * *

It wasn't unusual to see a man dressed in a shirt, slacks, and jacket. Most would consider it a normal act if the man was in his own home and surrounded by his loved ones. Of course, Reno's loved ones happened to be his pregnant wife and the spawn within her widening womb. And those two individuals are the reason why Reno was forced to wear too many clothes on a lazy Sunday afternoon.

Tifa certainly looked comfortable in a pair of shorts and one of his shirts. She even had the cuffs rolled up to her elbows and the buttons only half-way done. While Reno certainly appreciated the view as she waltzed around the kitchen, he didn't care for the sub-zero temperature that warranted his choice of attire.

He was beyond understanding. He was freakin' cold.

Yeah, yeah; he knew that pregnancy left a woman with a higher basal temperature, and he knew that the swelling and extra weight also caused increased discomfort. But dammit, he was the father, the cause of all that discomfort. Didn't his comfort matter?

Their ob/gyn said 'no', but what good was her opinion? She had five children herself and automatically sympathized with any expectant mom. "Just be man and put up with it," she said at the last check-up. "There's not many weeks left."

Easy for her to say; her youngest child was ten years old. It had been years since her husband had to put up with anything!

So Reno sat on his couch, clad in his Turk uniform, and debated on how much longer he could last without having to resort to hot coffee and a blanket. Although, maybe if he was suave enough and worked his usual charms, he could saunter over to the air conditioner and turn the dial over a few notches. If he was lucky, Tifa wouldn't even notice. He began to hunt around for his Luck materia. Then he remembered that Yuffie swiped it before her return to Wutai.

Then Reeve stole his bottle of good whiskey, and now it was all fucked up.

Reno shrugged and walked around to the hallway, all while Tifa poured sugar into a jug of fresh tea. Just a few more steps and his destination would be reached. Five steps, six steps, seven st --

"Touch that dial and I'll break your fingers, Reno."

He turned sharply to stare at her, not unlike the cat with a feather in its mouth as it stood beneath the empty birdcage. "Babe," he began.

"Oh, no," she said. "It's ninety-four degrees outside and I am thirty-three pounds heavier with _your_ offspring." She held a wooden mixing spoon in her hand, and Reno didn't doubt that even with her extra weight, she could (and most likely would) use it as a potential projectile. "Think of the baby, Reno."

"I'm cold." His hand reached toward the dial. "Just a few degrees so a certain manpart doesn't fall off. You'd hate that."

The wooden spoon hit the buttons with scary accuracy. "Get a damn blanket!"

"Why don't you take off your top? That'd cool you off."

She paused in lieu of another smart remark. "I -uh, I can't do that."

"Why not?" he asked, rather hesitant. His arms uncrossed and he stepped back from the air conditioner, a bit curious.

"Well, I just can't."

"Tifa."

"I'm leaking, okay!?" She huffed and crossed her arms over said leaky nipples.

Reno's eyebrows shot halfway to the ceiling. "Oh, really?" He sauntered into the kitchen. "Why am I just now hearing about this? Be a good little wife and tell the truth ..." His smile turned shark-like.

She scowled. "You'd laugh at me."

"Pfft." He blew a raspberry. "Don't you know me better than that?"

"What do you mean?"

With a noticeable wink, one to distract her as he _almostsorta_ wrapped his arms around her (her waist was nonexistant at this point), he kissed her nose, and said, "This just gives me another excuse to stare at your headlights."

She laughed, then promptly threw a dishtowel in his face.


End file.
